I no longer observe traditional parental holidays with my parent. It’s not due to loss by death—my biological parent is very much alive. However, my biological father has transitioned into a woman.
To clarify: the individual whose sperm contributed to my existence now identifies and lives as a woman. This includes undergoing surgical changes, embracing a female identity, and adopting typically feminine attire.
I wish this revelation didn’t come as a shock to many. Ideally, we would live in a society that embraces every individual, regardless of their personal experiences or identities—a place where transformation is met with acceptance and love, rather than confusion and judgment.
I recognize that this news can be challenging to process, especially for those unfamiliar with such experiences. Just as my parent required time to embrace her true self, I too needed time to fully accept her transition.
I learned about my parent’s gender identity in my mid-20s. My then-new spouse and I visited my parent’s home for the holidays. Early in the day, she requested a private conversation with us, triggering feelings of anxiety within me. Was there a serious health issue?
Later, when we sat down together, she directly shared, “There’s a woman inside of me, and I cross-dress sometimes to express her.” I was taken aback, expecting news of a health crisis rather than this significant personal revelation. My initial silence was broken by my spouse’s supportive response: “Richard, we love you no matter who you are.“
In that moment, I resonated with my spouse’s sentiment and sheepishly asked for pictures. My parent gladly shared, recognizing that my acceptance was beginning to take shape.
I had to learn to embrace my parent, now Josephine, while also grappling with feelings of loss. I sought therapy to navigate the complex emotions of grief and acceptance coexisting in my heart. Mourning the father I once had, and the idea of the grandfather I thought my children would have, was difficult. Yet, I could still embrace Josephine’s new identity.
Josephine, with her engineering background, likened her transition to upgrading computer hardware while maintaining the same software. This analogy resonates and serves as a bridge for understanding our transgender friends and family. It’s a reminder that a person’s character—kindness, generosity, and love—defines them far more than their physical appearance.
Regrettably, many adults struggle to comprehend Josephine’s transition. I sometimes hesitate to discuss it with friends, fearing they won’t respond with the understanding she deserves. Thankfully, children tend to approach such complexities with more openness.
For instance, when my daughter learned about our family dynamics, she asked, “Mom, who is your father?” I explained, “My father was named Richard. He felt like a woman inside, so she transitioned. Now, we have Grandma Jo.” My daughter thoughtfully replied, “That’s sad you don’t have a dad, but I love Grandma Jo and I’m happy to have her.”
Even at a young age, she grasped the bittersweet nature of transformation and acceptance. Josephine is now her authentic self and, as a result, she is much happier. Though I no longer have a father, I still have a parent—just in a different form.
Celebrating Josephine, especially during holidays, presents its own challenges. It feels inappropriate to honor her on Father’s Day, as she no longer identifies with that title. Similarly, Mother’s Day doesn’t suit her either.
In my search for a solution, I discovered a meaningful initiative from TransParentDay.org, advocating for a Trans Parent Day on the first Sunday of November. This day seeks to honor our transgender parents, akin to Father’s and Mother’s Day, even if it lacks recognition from mainstream sources.
On November 2nd and throughout the year, I choose to celebrate Josephine and the significant role she plays in my life. Regardless of her physical transformation, she will always be my parent—a reality worth celebrating. For more insights on similar topics, you can explore our other blog post about home insemination, where we discuss the importance of understanding family dynamics.
Summary:
The author reflects on their parent’s transition from father to mother, exploring themes of acceptance, love, and the complexities of familial relationships. The narrative emphasizes the importance of understanding and embracing transgender identities, while also highlighting the emotional journey of navigating loss and new beginnings.