When my first child, Lily, was born 14 years ago, I was fully prepared to embrace motherhood. I envisioned myself as an exceptional mom, ready to plant my flag of victory on the metaphorical summit of parenting and bask in the joys of this new role—if only my little angel would sleep through the night.
At that time, the only major hurdle was sleep deprivation, which felt insurmountable. Our delightful baby simply resisted nighttime slumber. I assumed that once she began sleeping longer stretches, motherhood would become a breeze. Eventually, she did start sleeping better, but soon after, she began crawling, walking, and exploring her environment at lightning speed—picking up who-knows-what from the floor and putting it in her mouth. While nights became easier, days grew increasingly demanding. It was a rewarding challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. I was certain that once we navigated the toddler phase, once she could communicate her needs more clearly, everything would fall into place.
Eventually, we reached that phase, and I thought I could finally relish my victory. But then came the trials of potty training. I reassured myself that once she mastered that, life would be smooth sailing. Then came the arrival of our second and third children. New challenges continuously arose, but I clung to the idea of “once.” Once I wasn’t pregnant and had a preschooler. Once I had finished breastfeeding. Once there were no kids in diapers. Once we survived the “Tyrannical Threes.” Once they could articulate their feelings. Once they could clean up after themselves. Once they conquered their fear of the dark. Once they could dress themselves. Once they could prepare their own meals. I kept waiting for that magical milestone when motherhood would finally become simpler.
I realize now that it was naive to think this way. After fourteen years of motherhood, I’ve learned a critical lesson: motherhood doesn’t necessarily get easier; it simply presents new challenges. There isn’t a holy grail of parenting that we can reach.
Motherhood resembles crossing a mountain range rather than merely climbing one peak. It is filled with ups and downs, peaks and valleys. If you expect to feel accomplished after reaching one summit, you may find yourself disappointed; there’s always another hill looming ahead, often steeper than the last. This realization can be disheartening and exhausting, and at times, it may even feel impossible.
However, upon reaching a summit, you gain a panoramic view of your journey, recognizing both the mountains you’ve overcome and those still ahead. Understanding that motherhood is a journey rather than a destination allows you to find joy and satisfaction in small moments. The key is to pause at those high points, appreciate the beauty around you, and cherish those fleeting moments of happiness. These moments are the true treasures of motherhood, and if we fail to appreciate them, we risk missing out on the true essence of the experience.
Today, I still hold my victory flag, but I understand that it symbolizes my ongoing journey rather than a final destination. Triumph is something we carry with us through the ebb and flow of motherhood, moment by moment. While we may begin our quest for the holy grail, we eventually discover that it has been within us all along.
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Summary
Motherhood is a journey full of challenges and triumphs that evolve over time. The pursuit of an ideal experience can lead to unrealistic expectations, but finding joy in small moments is crucial. As we navigate the peaks and valleys of parenting, we realize that the true treasures of motherhood are the fleeting moments we cherish along the way.