Recently, I hosted a dinner party, a task that once seemed effortless during my married years. Following my divorce, however, the idea of welcoming guests felt overwhelming. Initially, I viewed my single status as a misfortune—adrift and yearning for affection.
In my married days, I received numerous invitations to gatherings. Yet, as a single woman in her forties, I often felt like an outsider among my coupled peers. In a world where independence can be misconstrued as a threat to traditional norms, I sometimes felt like a modern-day pariah. I longed to shake my married friends when their spouses exchanged wary glances with me, wishing they understood that my affection for them was purely platonic.
After countless dinners spent solely with my children, I craved the joy of sharing a few hours with peers over a candlelit meal. Lacking invitations, I decided to take initiative. A young couple I knew, who had recently rekindled their romance thanks to my encouragement, became the perfect reason to prepare a special meal together.
Their love story inspired me to act with purpose and create my own social opportunities rather than waiting for them to come to me. As my late father used to say, “You create your own luck.” At first, I thought that luck was purely random, but with experience, I’ve come to understand that intention creates a foundation for luck to manifest.
Reflecting on the guests at my table that night, I recognized the power of intention. Alongside the young couple, I had invited a man I had met on my first blind date in years. The courage it took to step out and seek connection, after a long absence from the dating world, was remarkable. I remember feeling anxious sending that initial text—”Hey, want to go hiking?”—and the trepidation I felt on my way to the restaurant. Yet, we talked for hours, discovering common ground in our shared experiences. Eight months later, he has become my closest friend, someone I turn to for support and wisdom.
During our conversation, he shared a valuable lesson: “Don’t just do something, stand there.” At first glance, this advice may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes choosing not to react is a form of intention. It’s a revelation that has helped me navigate the complexities of my newfound singlehood and the varied reactions from friends and family.
The other guests that evening included a couple I had introduced and some newer friends I had met through another gathering. I found myself drawn to one of the women, so much so that I mustered the courage to reach out and express my desire to be friends. This takes a significant amount of intention, especially at 49, but being open with people often yields positive responses.
As I glanced around the table—adorned with candles, flowers, and the delicious meal I had prepared—an overwhelming sense of gratitude washed over me. I felt thankful for my imperfect life and the vulnerability that my divorce had forced me to embrace.
Just then, a loud crash shattered the moment, followed by my son’s sobs. “I tried to get from the top bunk to my desk and broke my shelf,” he explained amidst the chaos of scattered toys and debris. This reminded me of a similar incident with a shelf that collapsed two years ago, marking a pivotal point in my marriage. I reassured him that everything was alright and that we would clean up after dinner.
My friend, skilled with tools, offered to help fix the shelf. After washing the dishes, he gathered supplies and expertly repaired the damage with toothpicks and glue. I was amazed at how something seemingly fragile could become sturdy again. His focused intention transformed a problem into a solution, reminding me that we can reinforce our lives, even from brokenness.
The dinner table may still have remnants of our meal, but we succeeded in fixing one small piece. Sometimes, it’s essential to take one step at a time, addressing what we can and leaving the rest for later.
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Summary:
In a reflective narrative, the author shares her experience of hosting a dinner party post-divorce. Feeling initially overwhelmed, she embraces her single status as an opportunity for social connection and personal growth. Surrounded by friends, she discovers the importance of intention in creating her own luck and the strength to navigate life’s challenges. Through a simple act of friendship and problem-solving, she finds gratitude in her life’s imperfections.