Seven years ago, I made a decision that I now regard as a misstep. In conversations with friends contemplating parenthood, particularly those who are starting families later in life, I advise them to retain their jobs after childbirth and to avoid rushing into decisions about leaving their careers.
My own choice was impulsive. I had a fulfilling role at a publishing house when my first child was born, surrounded by encouraging colleagues and an ever-evolving job that I loved. My career flourished in the years leading up to my child’s arrival, especially when my company was acquired, leading to improved benefits, raises, and travel opportunities. I envisioned a long future with that organization and never expected to resign after my baby was born.
Just a year into our marriage, I became pregnant at 32. Life moved quickly: we married, settled in NYC, and within six weeks, we were expecting. Soon after, we moved to the suburbs, and my child arrived. I took a few months off to bond with her, but during my maternity leave, my workplace relocated far from our new home. In an instant, my situation transformed.
I suddenly faced a lengthy commute, the challenges of breastfeeding at work, and the struggle to balance career and motherhood. The emotional turmoil was exhausting. The situation worsened when a tri-state blackout struck soon after my return to work. I got stranded in the city, crying as I pumped milk for my three-month-old at home with a babysitter who was struggling to manage without power. That night solidified my fears about juggling work and motherhood.
Initially, my managers allowed me to work three days in the office and two from home, which helped, but I remained anxious about missing key moments in my daughter’s growth. She learned to walk without me, and she began calling the babysitter “mommy,” which stung. I often received work calls during our park visits, and I battled frequent illnesses due to the stress.
Eventually, I resigned, though it wasn’t a surprise to my colleagues. I initially continued part-time work with my previous employer, which I now see as a lifeline. I missed my job and the connections I had. I became pregnant again shortly after leaving my position, leading to a hectic household with two children just 19 months apart. The demands of motherhood became intense, and I struggled with feelings of isolation and depression.
During a trip to England, I met women with fulfilling part-time jobs, which inspired me to seek similar opportunities back home. I was fortunate to reconnect with a contact from my former company, leading to a part-time publishing role that expanded into a consulting career. However, the unpredictability of consulting often left my skills underutilized, creating a detour from my original career aspirations.
Despite my professional setbacks, I cherish the time I spent with my children during their formative years. Working part-time allowed me to attend ballet recitals, school events, and piano lessons. Yet, I often ponder what might have been had I made different choices—like hiring a different babysitter or giving my job more time. I’ve come to realize my children would have thrived regardless of the path I chose.
It’s also worth admitting that I never truly enjoyed playground visits or school drop-offs. The responsibilities of being a stay-at-home mom were challenging for me, and I sometimes felt inadequate compared to other mothers. I found that I thrive when I balance work and parenting. My children benefit from engaging with caregivers outside the home, and I feel more fulfilled as a mother after spending time in my professional life.
To new mothers contemplating leaving their full-time jobs, I suggest you think carefully before making that decision. If you can work part-time in a role that maintains your professional responsibilities, it could be a good fit. Life balance is essential, and what works for one person may not be right for another. If you love your job, consider sticking with it after your child is born. A long-term commitment to your career can create flexibility for you to attend events like dance recitals or doctor appointments without stress.
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Summary:
Reflecting on my decision to leave work after starting a family, I realize the importance of balancing career and motherhood. I encourage new parents to consider their options carefully and to think about the long-term implications of their choices. It’s possible to find fulfillment in both work and parenting, and each family must determine what works best for them.