When my first child came along, I was all in. I was there for every little moment: each school play, every baseball game, those muffins with mom events, piano recitals, and countless lunch dates. It didn’t matter what I had to juggle; my mission was to be present, because that’s what modern parenting seemed to demand. What kind of mother would miss any of her child’s activities? Even if I hadn’t showered in days or skipped meals, I felt I had to prioritize their needs over my own, ignoring deadlines and personal health concerns.
Then came my three other kids, and reality hit hard. Suddenly, being at every event wasn’t just challenging; it was downright impossible. And guess what? The world didn’t fall apart! They were still able to play their sports, perform their routines, and enjoy their activities without me in the crowd.
Initially, I struggled with guilt, convinced that not being there for every moment meant I was failing as a parent. But here’s the truth: your worth as a parent is not measured by your attendance at every event. Life happens, and sometimes you simply can’t be there. The myth that you should sacrifice everything for your children is just that—a myth. What your kids really need is a happy, balanced parent, not one who is burnt out and resentful from trying to do it all.
I’ve missed countless events, but I’ve learned not to dwell on it. I’ve communicated with my kids that my absence doesn’t stem from a lack of desire to be there. Sure, I’d love to have everything fall into place perfectly, but with a large family and multiple commitments, it’s just not feasible. And kids? They’re smarter than we give them credit for—they understand when life gets in the way.
So, if you can’t attend every event, who can? That’s where the village concept comes into play. It’s wonderful to talk about the “it takes a village” mentality, but it’s crucial to actively participate in that village. When I started to realize I needed help, I reached out to other moms in my community. “Hey, I can’t make it to the soccer game today. Can you take my son?” More often than not, they’re happy to help. People naturally want to support each other; you just need to ask. And next time, you can return the favor. “If you need to miss an event, I’m here for you!”
Every mom I know has had moments where they needed a break. If that means missing an event, it’s our job to step up and support each other instead of shaming someone for not being there. After all, you’ll need someone to have your back someday, too.
For more insights on parenting, consider checking out this other blog post or explore resources on infertility for further support.
In summary, it’s perfectly okay not to be present at every single one of your child’s events. Life is busy, and sometimes it’s out of our control. Embrace the reality that missing some activities can actually be beneficial for both you and your children. Lean on your community, and don’t let guilt weigh you down.