When I was dating my now-husband, he was fond of a certain saying that, quite frankly, made my skin crawl. You’ve probably heard it too: “It is what it is.” On the surface, it seems harmless, but in reality, it’s a phrase that can dull any emotional response. Picture this: you accidentally lock your keys inside your car, leading to a call to a locksmith that ultimately makes you late for a job interview. You miss out on the position and lose $50 on the lock. And what does your partner say? “It is what it is.” What emoji would best express your frustration here? Lucky for him, I decided to marry him.
When my daughter was diagnosed with special needs, I heard variations of “it is what it is” more times than I could count. Initially, it felt dismissive, designed to push me into acceptance so I could move on to finding a solution. However, as she grew older, winning over the hearts of everyone around her with her joyous personality and infectious laughter, I began to see things differently. She’s the happiest little girl I’ve ever met. So what if she uses a wheelchair?
I first encountered the concept of the “disability paradox” during a BBC interview with a sociologist named Mark Anderson, who was born with a disability. The idea is that people with disabilities often report feeling happier than their able-bodied peers, claiming a quality of life that is equal to or even higher than those without disabilities. It’s a curious phenomenon that underscores the notion that sometimes, less truly can mean more.
Yet, I struggled with this label. It felt like it reduced her complexity, turning her into a subject of pity rather than a person to be celebrated. She isn’t happy because she lacks awareness; she’s incredibly sharp and navigates the world with a sense of wonder. Her imagination is a vibrant universe, a kaleidoscope of experiences that I wish I could explore. Why should her contentment be characterized as a paradox?
Then, I shifted my perspective. It’s not her “disability paradox,” but rather a “happiness paradox.” We all know individuals who seemingly have it all—the fancy car, the perfect home, the enviable lifestyle that makes you think of that catchy REM tune, “Shiny Happy People.” Yet, these people often appear the most dissatisfied, constantly yearning for more. It’s why lottery winners may feel euphoric for a short time before returning to their usual lives, spending their winnings on fleeting pleasures. This cycle of wanting more fuels fashion trends, promotions, and the insatiable human desire for accumulation.
My daughter embodies the happiness paradox. She finds joy in the simplest of things—not out of ignorance, but out of a perspective that has been shaped by life experiences. She understands the value of connection, laughter, music, and relationships.
What if we all took a moment to stretch our souls without chasing after the next big thing? Imagine allowing happiness to envelop us like a warm, comforting blanket. What if the key to contentment lies not in acquiring more, but in cherishing what we already have? Perhaps the most frustrating phrase—“it is what it is”—could be reimagined to highlight the beauty in the present moment, because the “is” is indeed wonderful.
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In summary, the happiness paradox teaches us to appreciate the present moment and recognize the value of what we have. By shifting our focus from what we lack to what we cherish, we can cultivate a deeper sense of fulfillment in our lives.