I vividly remember my first session with Dr. Carter, my therapist. She challenged me to create a list of positive attributes and things I appreciated about myself. Can you believe I could only come up with five? Just five. It felt utterly disheartening.
I struggled to find much to admire about myself, and bragging about my strengths seemed foreign. However, with time and Dr. Carter’s guidance, I managed to uncover a lengthy list of qualities that I keep tucked away in a drawer. It was painful to confront so many aspects of myself when I had been trapped in a cycle of low self-worth for so long. I had to consciously shift my focus from negativity to positivity, which definitely didn’t come naturally to me.
I still wrestle with this challenge daily. Dr. Carter encouraged me to revisit that list occasionally, but I rarely do. Nevertheless, that exercise was pivotal in recognizing my chronic insecurity and low self-esteem—patterns that were only dragging me down. Now, as a parent, the last thing I want is to model insecurity. I aspire for my children to embrace and love themselves just as they are.
Insecurities: A Constant Companion
Insecurities have been a constant companion throughout my life. Who hasn’t struggled with them? I recall as a child how challenging it was for me to make decisions without guidance. I was a perennial people-pleaser, desperately seeking approval. The reality is, we can’t control who likes us any more than we can manage a cranky toddler in the midst of a meltdown. This persistent need to please others often left me feeling inadequate, especially when I didn’t receive the validation I craved.
My insecurities extended to my body, too. I can still remember feeling ashamed of that little roll of fat on my slim waist at just 15 years old. Wearing a leotard for school activities only intensified my self-scrutiny as I compared myself to others. It didn’t help that my mother often pointed out women on the street, questioning if her body resembled theirs.
Being insecure is frustrating, and I’ve been well-acquainted with it. If I were to list my insecurities, it would cover everything from worries about being a good mother to concerns about how others perceive me at the pool. Just a few years ago, my insecurities dwarfed any positive aspects I could find about myself.
A Shift in Perspective
However, I’m not sure if it’s the passage of time—10 years as a mom to three kids—or approaching 40, but I’ve started to feel a sense of comfort in my skin that I never thought possible. So, what has changed? A mix of therapy, the desire to model self-love for my kids, and the realization that others aren’t scrutinizing me as closely as I feared have all contributed.
Strategies to Overcome Insecurity
Reaching this point hasn’t come without effort. Here are some strategies that have helped me break free from the grip of chronic insecurity:
- Celebrate Your Accomplishments: While I’m not out loud proclaiming, “I’m amazing!” I do acknowledge my achievements, both big and small. Whether it’s catching up on laundry or tidying up the kitchen, I remind myself of my daily victories.
- Shift Your Focus: This can be the most challenging aspect for those of us with chronic insecurity. By concentrating on the needs of my children or lending a helping hand to a neighbor, I’ve found that serving others enhances my self-worth and boosts my self-esteem.
- Seek Validation from Within: I’ve learned to prioritize my needs over the approval of my husband or kids. By doing things for myself, I find satisfaction in knowing I’ve accomplished something important for me. I refuse to let my worth be dictated by others.
- Accept Compliments: Even though I don’t actively seek praise, I make an effort to embrace compliments when they come my way. If my child tells me I’m a wonderful mom, I try to see myself through her eyes. Acknowledging these compliments helps me focus on building myself up instead of tearing myself down.
- Stop Comparing: With social media offering constant glimpses into others’ lives, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. Instead of measuring myself against others, I’ve started to focus on my journey, which has made a significant difference.
Negativity is pervasive, but I am committed to shining a light on the positive aspects of myself and my children. By working to dismantle my insecurities, I hope to inspire my kids to love who they are, inside and out. I refuse to let them inherit this battle, so I’m determined to lead by example.
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Summary
Embracing self-love amidst chronic insecurity is a journey many of us face. Through therapy and personal reflection, we can recognize our achievements, shift our focus from seeking external validation, and stop comparing ourselves to others. By modeling self-love for our children, we can hope to instill in them the confidence to embrace who they are fully.