My husband didn’t let one rip in front of me until our honeymoon. That was nearly two decades ago, but I can still picture it vividly. We were in twin rocking chairs on the porch of a charming cabin overlooking the Pacific Ocean. As we chatted and enjoyed the view, my handsome partner leaned over, lifted one cheek off the chair, and unleashed the loudest fart I had ever heard—without even skipping a beat in our conversation.
Honestly, I was taken aback (badum-tss), and a bit impressed. My husband’s talent for producing impressive flatulence is matched only by my own ability to belch like a champion. While I don’t toot much, I can certainly burp with the best of ’em. In public, we maintain a semblance of decorum, but at home, we embrace our bodily functions with gusto.
I remember an acquaintance sharing how mortified she would be if her husband ever heard her pass gas. Really? I sometimes wish I could fart on command just to get back at my husband for all those times he’s roasted the Dutch oven in our bed. We view these natural occurrences as a normal part of life—best kept private but utterly hilarious among family.
My upbringing didn’t involve this level of freedom. My dad would occasionally blame “barking spiders” for his toots, and I was taught to say, “Excuse me,” after burping (a habit I still uphold even when alone). I had an older brother who sometimes had friends over, so I was familiar with the whole lighting-farts-on-fire thing. But overall, my childhood was much less gassy than my life now.
That’s what happens when you marry into a family that thrives on humor around flatulence. I’ve lost count of the jokes created around my in-laws’ gas. Each family member has a distinct sound to their toots; I could identify who was responsible from another room. Is that something to be proud of? Probably not, but it’s our reality.
Our kids have fully embraced this gassy legacy. I can’t blame them—farts are inherently funny. I remember my little ones giggling at their own sounds before they could even walk. And burps? Why do they have to make such entertaining noises? If a baby laughs, it seems we’re meant to find it amusing.
Cultural norms certainly play a role in society’s discomfort with bodily functions. In some cultures, a burp or fart after a meal is seen as a compliment to the chef. However, anything that smells bad is pretty universally frowned upon, so perhaps there’s an art to it in those societies.
Of course, we’ve taught our children to be discreet and polite in public. We’ve instilled some decent habits at our own dinner table—try to burp quietly, always say “Excuse me,” or leave the table if you need to fart. But when we’re just hanging out at home? Let’s just say our symphony of wind instruments gets a workout.
Bodily functions are a reality, and we choose to embrace them. It’s far more enjoyable to find humor in a hearty belch or a particularly resonant fart than to cringe at them. As long as we aren’t subjecting the public to our uncouth ways, I feel completely at ease laughing about our toots and burps.
In conclusion, here’s our family motto, which you’re welcome to borrow:
- Be courteous in public.
- Say, “Excuse me,” if you slip.
- But at home with just our family,
- Go ahead and let ‘er rip!
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To sum it up, we are a family that finds joy in the natural sounds of life. Let’s celebrate our quirks together!