I can’t pinpoint the moment the thought first crossed my mind. Perhaps it was in the hallways of high school or on a popular teen drama. What I did know was that I was desperately seeking a release. It was less about the pain, and more about feeling something—anything, really.
It wasn’t until I entered therapy that I learned the term “covert perfectionist.” On the surface, I projected an easygoing attitude, but inside, I was a tightly wound ball of anxiety. The need to be flawless consumed me. Failing at this self-imposed mission felt like a weight I couldn’t bear.
By the time I was 15, I had created an intense pressure cooker of expectations for myself. I had to excel in school to earn my teachers’ approval. I had to be the model child to win my parents’ love. I felt I needed to be everything for everyone else, convinced that their happiness would translate into my own.
In reality, this relentless pressure only led to numbness. I was overwhelmed and exhausted, trapped in a façade of cheerfulness while feeling utterly disconnected from my emotions.
Then, one day, it all broke. I found myself in the bathroom, scissors in hand. With trembling fingers, I made the first cut. The pain was sharp, almost unbearable—but it was also a relief. I could feel something again! It wasn’t just physical pain; it was an emotional release, allowing me to cry after months of feeling nothing.
This cycle of cutting persisted for months. Each time I felt overwhelmed, I would turn to self-harm as a misguided way to cope. Fortunately, my sister eventually discovered my secret and bravely confided in our parents. That night, I experienced a wave of unconditional love like I hadn’t felt in ages.
Through therapy, I learned that I had been grappling with a major depressive episode. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that depression is a part of my life, and I’ve found ways to cope with it. I’m grateful for the medication that helps me navigate daily life, something I wish I had during my high school years.
This is just my story of why I self-harmed. The pressure to be perfect almost consumed me. While some teenagers may seem like they’re just navigating typical hormonal changes, many are genuinely struggling internally. They need someone willing to ask questions, listen intently, and show love and support.
If you notice something off with your teen, please don’t brush it aside as a common phase. It might be daunting to confront the truth, but you can be a beacon of hope. Just like my family saved me, you can make a difference in someone’s life. For more insights into navigating challenges like these, check out this post from our blog.
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In summary, my journey through self-harm taught me the importance of support and understanding. If you or someone you know is struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out and offer help.