Before stepping into parenthood, we often hear horror stories about sleepless nights with newborns and the rebellious phase of teenagers. However, it’s the middle ground—the tween years—that often catches many parents off guard. Known for their mood swings and unpredictable behavior, these years can be particularly challenging. Tweens oscillate between moments of affection and the sudden urge to shut you out. If you’re a parent facing this bewildering stage, fear not! Here’s a 12-step program designed to help you navigate the tween years with a bit more ease.
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Lack of Control
The first step is to come to terms with the fact that you can no longer dictate your tween’s emotions. Repeat this mantra: “Somewhere in there, my sweet child still exists.”
Step 2: Seek Help Beyond Yourself
There will be times when your tween’s actions will make you question everything. Remember, it’s okay to reach out for guidance, whether through friends or online resources. You might even want to explore more about this stage in parenting, which you can find in our other blog post.
Step 3: Yield to Their Emotional Waves
Understand that your tween’s frustrations are often beyond their control. They may express these feelings through outbursts. When they do, find your outlet—perhaps a good scream into a pillow after they’ve gone to bed.
Step 4: Reflect on Your Parenting
Take a moment to assess your approach. What can you improve? The truth is, this phase is essential for preparing you for the teenage years. Allow yourself to feel the weight of it and, if needed, enjoy a glass of wine.
Step 5: Dismiss Self-Blame
Remind yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong. Your once adorable little one is now convinced they have all the answers. Indulge in some chocolate—it helps!
Step 6: Pray for Patience
Your tween may display many “defects of character.” Pray for their hormones to stabilize. In the meantime, try to ignore the mess of clothes they leave behind and the endless requests to use your phone to text their friends.
Step 7: Ask for Open Communication
Encourage your tween to express themselves without the drama. Show your willingness to understand their emotional struggles, and don’t hesitate to ask for the occasional hug. They may still appreciate the comfort, even while giving you the side-eye.
Step 8: Prepare for Potential Fallout
Create a list of those who may be affected by your tween’s transition. This could be friends, family members, and even pets. Consider sending small apologies to soften any ruffled feathers.
Step 9: Make Amends Regularly
You’ll find yourself apologizing frequently—often for simply existing near them. If you dare to ask about their day, you might stir up a storm. Get used to saying “sorry” as part of your daily vocabulary.
Step 10: Own Your Mistakes
Here’s a truth bomb: you are not right—ever. Accept this as a universal law of parenting a tween.
Step 11: Meditate on Their Happiness
This may involve catering to their insatiable appetites or allowing them to blast their favorite tunes. Also, don’t forget to carve out time for your own mental peace.
Step 12: Share Your Wisdom
Spread the word! Let fellow parents know that it’s not just the sleepless nights of infancy that challenge us. The tween years bring their own unique trials. Remind them that this stage, like all others, is temporary.
The good news is that you will survive this tumultuous phase, often punctuated by rare moments of gratitude and the occasional snuggle. And chocolate—lots of chocolate. Your tween still needs you, even if they don’t want to admit it.