By: Emily Johnson
Date: Oct. 12, 2023
Image Credit: Malakhova Ganna / via Shutterstock
When my daughter was just three months old, I was already introducing her to the toilet. We were using cloth diapers, and without easy access to a laundromat, the concept of elimination communication (EC) intrigued me. I thought, “This is going to be a game-changer for us.”
Fast forward to six months, and I had started to recognize her cues. I was intentionally keeping her diaper dry, and friends and family were impressed by my efforts. I felt like a parenting rock star.
Then came the moment we taught her baby sign language. At nine months, she was signing to me when she needed to go. I thought, “She’s so brilliant! By her first birthday, she’ll be fully potty trained. Look at her go!” What I didn’t realize was that this was only the beginning of a much more complicated journey.
By the time she turned one, I faced a new reality. If I had taught her the sign for “no way,” she would have been using it every time I rushed her to the toilet. She had developed her own sense of independence, and I was determined to keep up.
I sang the praises of EC to anyone who would listen, claiming that she was still using her potty often. While technically true, I was also dealing with sticker charts and endless scrubbing sessions after accidents. I didn’t want to resort to candy as a reward, but stickers seemed harmless enough.
As the months went by, my enthusiasm began to wane. Grocery store trips included visits to the candy aisle, where I’d let her choose a treat as a bribe just to go on the potty. “M&Ms? Skittles? You got it, sweetheart. Just please, use the toilet!”
At three, the messy diaper days were behind us, but her refusal to pee in the toilet was a direct reflection of our earlier struggles. I pleaded with her, “Do you really want to go off to college still in diapers?” I knew she understood the process; I just couldn’t fathom why she was resisting.
Eventually, I had to throw in the towel. I stopped insisting she use the potty, stopped the pleas, and put stickers and M&Ms on the shelf. She could choose whether to wear a diaper or underwear. Friends with younger kids were celebrating their successes in potty training, and I felt like I was failing. But I made sure my daughter didn’t feel my disappointment; it was never about her, just the situation.
The turning point came when we went on a special shopping trip. We picked out a beautiful new dress for potty-trained girls, and within two weeks, the power struggle eased. At four, she still fits into that dress and occasionally reminds me, “Mom, this is my potty-training dress.” Oh, how I remember!
I’ve seen friends post about their child’s potty training successes on social media, often praising the “magic of EC.” I know it can be effective for some, and that’s great for them. I just hope they recognize when it’s time to stop pushing, unlike I did.
Now, with a second daughter, friends are curious if I’ll try that “baby potty-training thing” again. I often want to shout, “Are you kidding me?!” but instead, I politely say I just don’t have the time. After all, my second daughter was born during the tumultuous potty-training phase of her sister, and I refuse to engage in that power struggle again. She’ll use the toilet when she’s ready, and that’s perfectly fine.
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In summary, while my adventure with elimination communication taught me a lot, I’ve learned that every child is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and sometimes, stepping back allows them to find their own path.
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