Recently, a friend shared a heartwarming photo of her son sitting on Santa’s lap. It was a precious moment, one that many parents cherish and aim to capture. However, my family doesn’t have such a picture, as we’ve never taken our son to meet Santa—and we never attempted it.
Even before our son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, I sensed that trying to get a photo would be a struggle. The thought of loading him in the car, disrupting his routine, was enough to make me anxious. If we had chosen an evening visit, the added sensory overload from a long day would likely compound the stress.
Consider the crowded mall: the cacophony of noises, strange scents, harsh fluorescent lighting, and the chaotic movements of strangers—it could easily become overwhelming for him. Standing in a long line surrounded by other potentially distressed children would only heighten his anxiety. And then to be handed to a man in a costume, obscured by a thick beard? It seemed like a recipe for a meltdown, and I simply wouldn’t put my son or our family through that ordeal.
Of course, seeing my friend’s lovely photo made me briefly wonder if we were missing out on something special. There is a cultural significance to those Santa photos, a tradition that many families hold dear. But I’ve always believed that creating a “traditional” memory isn’t worth it if it risks my son’s happiness.
From early on, I decided to prioritize our son’s comfort over fitting into societal norms. We’ve taken first-day-of-school pictures occasionally, but often we’ve captured memories later in the year, and that’s perfectly fine. We’ve likely skipped many typical experiences in favor of what works best for our family, but I ask: what’s the value of participating in traditions if they don’t bring joy? Forcing ourselves into uncomfortable scenarios only leads to feelings of misery and guilt.
So, while we don’t have a photo of our son on Santa’s lap, we do have something more valuable: his trust in us. He knows we won’t subject him to situations that might cause distress, and that sense of security is the most rewarding outcome.
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In summary, we’ve chosen a path that emphasizes our son’s well-being over societal expectations, and that’s a decision we cherish.