When I was growing up, I often felt like there was something off about me because I didn’t relish the idea of parties, preferred to leave gatherings early, and felt a wave of relief when social plans were unexpectedly canceled. Was I excessively shy, socially inept, or perhaps just unfriendly? Not quite. I eventually discovered that I was an introvert, someone who enjoys socializing but thrives in smaller, more intimate settings. This realization shifted my perspective, making life feel much more manageable and enjoyable.
However, the journey of motherhood introduced new complexities. As a stay-at-home mom during my first child’s formative years, my yearning for companionship intensified. The connections I forged during this time have blossomed into some of my most treasured friendships, yet navigating the mom-friend landscape as an introvert was far from straightforward. After a bit of trial and error, I found some strategies that helped me cultivate these relationships while staying true to my introverted nature. Here’s what I gleaned:
You don’t need a large circle of mom friends unless that’s what you desire.
As introverts, we often know our boundaries better than we give ourselves credit for; society just tends to encourage us to ignore our instincts. Some of us may find contentment in having one or two close friends, while others might thrive with a few more. The entry of children into our lives can complicate things, making it tough to maintain deep friendships when your energy is primarily devoted to parenting, and that’s perfectly fine.
You’re not obligated to agree to countless playdates.
I once had a friend who scheduled two or three playdates a day for her little ones. I couldn’t fathom that. After just one playdate, I felt completely drained, as did my child (who also turned out to be an introvert). Daily playdates were out of the question for me—I needed time to recharge. And that’s perfectly acceptable.
Surround yourself with friends who lift you up and respect your need for solitude.
Motherhood made me increasingly selective about the people I invited into my life. The early days were riddled with doubts and stress, and I sought out those who could support and uplift me. I also needed friendships with individuals who understood my inclination for quiet moments and wouldn’t judge me for needing time alone.
Balancing your child’s social needs with your own can be tricky, but it’s doable.
When my children were small, they often craved more playdates than I was willing to handle. I recognized their need for social interaction but had to acknowledge my own limits. If they wanted four playdates in a week, I’d negotiate for two. Additionally, I would enlist my partner to take them to birthday parties or gatherings that I simply couldn’t manage, ensuring I had some precious downtime to recharge.
Online friendships are valid too.
Some of my closest friendships have blossomed online, built on shared interests like motherhood. Many of these connections feel just as significant as those in my physical life. It’s easy to undervalue online relationships, but for introverts, this form of communication can offer a more comfortable way to connect.
As an introvert, your approach to friendships and socializing as a mom might differ from others, and that’s okay. Avoid the pressure to keep up with other parents or to overschedule your calendar. You get to define your own experience of motherhood, including how social it needs to be. While we all seek allies on this parenting journey, it’s crucial to find friends who accept you for who you are, not for who they want you to become.
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In summary, forming friendships as an introverted mom doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By understanding your needs and setting boundaries, you can cultivate fulfilling relationships that support both your parenting journey and your introverted nature.