When we first tied the knot, our evenings were filled with excitement and passion. I often reminisce about those carefree nights when we could take our time, indulging in every moment without interruptions. If one round wasn’t enough, we’d dive right back in, exploring different settings — the kitchen table, the couch, the bed, and even the patio on warm summer nights.
But then we welcomed kids into our lives, and mealtime transformed into a chaotic event.
There’s a lot of advice thrown your way before taking the plunge into parenthood, yet no one warns you that you’ll be stuck with cold meals for roughly a decade. (Okay, maybe six years if you’re lucky enough to have just one child, but that’s pushing it.) You can prepare a gourmet meal or simply heat up some chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, but either way, the process will leave your food cold and unappetizing by the time you finally sit down to eat.
First, you must serve everyone else before you can even think about your own plate. With multiple kids, this can take forever. If you have toddlers, they’ll need specific plates and utensils — “No! The blue plate!” — along with a beverage that will spark a debate (“I want juice. No, milk! No, in the dinosaur cup!”).
If you’re dealing with picky eaters, you’ll need to spend extra time picking out anything they might deem “gross” or “crunchy.” As a caring parent, you’ll also want to ensure that everything is cut into safe, manageable pieces. And if there’s meat involved, that adds even more time to the prep.
Then comes the moment of truth: you’ll need to blow on your food like you’re about to hyperventilate because everything is “too hot.”
Just when you think you can finally dig in, someone spills their drink. They might have only poured a small cup, but it somehow turns into a massive puddle that takes ages to clean up. And as you wipe down the table, you realize you forgot to hand out napkins.
Of course, someone will drop their spoon and need a new one because the dog had a taste of it. And you’ll quickly discover that all the clean spoons are mysteriously missing, so you’ll have to wash one or at least rinse off the dog slobber.
Then, someone will demand salt or pepper, only to complain about having too much of it. Another child will point out that you forgot their gummy vitamins. Amid all this, one kid finishes their meal and asks for seconds, which means you have to start the entire serving process all over again — cutting, plating, and blowing your food to cool it down.
Dining out might give you a slightly better chance of enjoying a hot meal, but you’ll still face the same challenges of cutting and blowing. Plus, you’ll find yourself paying a small fortune for a kids’ meal, only to watch your child eat two French fries and pick the batter off their corn dog.
Eventually, your kids will grow older, and you may regain the luxury of leisurely dinners — that is, until they get involved in evening sports, extracurricular activities, and friends dropping by, leaving you to scarf down dinner without even chewing.
Yes, leisurely dinners could become a reality again, but let’s be honest — that’s as likely as winning the lottery or spontaneously combusting.
In the meantime, my best advice? Invest in a good microwave. Trust me; you’ll thank me later. You can even consider checking out this reputable online retailer for at-home insemination syringe kits to help with your journey into parenthood. And if you want to read more about navigating parenthood, check out one of our other blog posts here.
In summary, parenting may turn mealtime into a circus, but with a little patience and a good microwave, you’ll survive — and maybe even thrive.
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