It seems to be happening more frequently now. The judgment that my daughter is too grown up for diapers, the expectation that she understands age and can perform little feats like holding up two fingers on command for a stranger. I’m reminded of my cousin, who had to bring his birth certificate to every youth football game, only to be asked to leave the league anyway. Or my sister, who faced ridicule while trick-or-treating at age 12, towering over her peers.
My husband has faced similar situations, being pulled over by law enforcement where he feels the need to mention his size, aware of the uneasy relationship between large black men and police officers. When you, a stranger, tell my little girl that “big girls don’t cry,” I want you to realize that you’re not being helpful. Yes, she may appear too old to be upset over a broken crayon in Target, but she’s just a toddler—only 2 years old.
She still experiences fears at night, frightened of the dark and the loneliness that can accompany it. When she’s hurt or feeling ill, it’s her mom she wants by her side. Even during her adventurous explorations, she sometimes needs a hand to hold—just for balance, reassurance, or simply to know that support is there, ready to guide her when she feels lost. After a bad dream, her shoe size matters little, and when she misses her dad, those “big-girl pants” won’t make a difference.
Please don’t tell my daughter to suppress her tears when she’s scared or uncertain. Avoid joking about her size when she’s too young to understand societal pressures about being thin. Don’t rush her to grow up; she’ll have plenty of time for that, and I want her to savor her childhood while she can.
Children require both time and space to grow and play. They need a balance of boundaries and freedom, along with love and protection. As her mother, I am committed to providing both. I refuse to let her be hurried through the enchanting phase of fairies and dinosaurs, to miss out on evening strolls with us, or the joy of discovering newborn kittens.
She’ll have late nights filled with hot chocolate while we wait for lunar eclipses, and she’ll splash in puddles, creating ripples of joy. For years, she’ll wake up to magical presents beneath the tree and mysterious eggs hidden in the garden. She will be little, and we will cherish that, especially knowing that so many children never get to experience such joy.
So, for the sake of the bigger kids on sports teams, the 2-year-olds still in diapers who seem older, and the trick-or-treaters who tower over their peers, let’s allow them to be little—even when they appear grown.
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In summary, let’s allow our children the space to be young and to express their emotions freely, without the pressures of adulthood looming over them too soon.
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