Let’s be real for a moment. It’s not you; it’s me. Sure, Facebook tells me we share 117 mutual friends, and you might be delightful in person, but our online connection? It was fun while it lasted, but I think it’s time we part ways. Consider it our conscious Facebook uncoupling.
We had our moments, you and I—like when I enjoyed the adorable photos of your kids dressed up for Halloween. I even overlooked those times you shared contentious articles or liked posts from questionable sources. But when you started vaguebooking about “exciting news” that you “wished you could share,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, even as I commented, “Can’t wait to hear more!”
But like my grandma always said, if you can’t say anything kind, maybe it’s best to stay quiet. So I scrolled past your humblebrags and kept pretending your posts didn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out. The truth is, I just can’t anymore. Your Facebook antics are enough to make anyone question the state of humanity.
Life is too short for this nonsense. I only have a finite amount of energy to spend, and I refuse to waste it on your Facebook dramatics. With a simple click of the Unfriend button, I can save myself from the emotional hangover that follows a visit to your feed.
And let’s address the excessive use of #SoBlessed, shall we? It’s great that you have a beautiful life and want to share your gratitude, but your humblebrags make me feel itchy and nauseated. So to avoid any allergic reactions, I’ll be hitting that Unfriend button whenever I see that hashtag pop up.
While we’re at it, if you’re using Facebook as your personal pulpit to preach your views, that’s another reason for our online separation. I get enough guilt from my own upbringing without needing your Facebook sermons on top of it.
And what’s with trying to sell me stuff? It’s been years since we last spoke, and suddenly you’re inviting me to a party to showcase the benefits of essential oils? As an introvert, the last thing I want is to host a gathering to introduce my friends to overpriced products. No thanks.
Let’s not forget the sanctimommies. You know, the ones who start a post with “I don’t mean to judge, but…” and then proceed to judge a mom for her late-night Cheeto run? I just can’t deal with that anymore—though I suppose that’s more of a reflection of me than you.
Maybe I’m just in a mood, looking to do some online spring cleaning and eliminate negativity from my feed. But if you’re an outright jerk, the Unfriend button will be your new best friend. It really is you in that case. Bye, Felicia!
Whatever the reason for our online parting, don’t take it too personally. Remember, it’s not you; it’s me. If you’re interested in more engaging content, check out this insightful post on Cervical Insemination about fertility and options for family planning.
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In summary, it’s time for a conscious uncoupling from Facebook antics that no longer serve me. Life is too short to dwell on negativity, so I’m choosing to surround myself with positivity and authenticity.
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