I commend you for choosing to stay in a household bustling with a teething infant, a spirited three-year-old, and two exhausted parents. Your presence here is truly appreciated, as I wouldn’t extend this invitation if I didn’t hold you in high regard. However, I feel it is necessary to apologize for certain aspects of your visit that may not align with the serene experience of a hotel stay at a premium establishment.
I regret that my toddler’s enthusiastic rendition of “The Wheels on the Bus” at 6 a.m. on a Saturday might have disrupted your sleep.
I apologize for the limited yogurt selection, which consists solely of cotton-candy flavored push-up tubes.
I understand the surprise you experienced when you encountered a potty chair insert that plays a Disney princess tune while using the restroom. The sudden sound of a whimsical fairy wand can indeed be startling.
I’m sorry my little one decorated your skin with stickers, including some rather creative placements on your leg hair and eyelids.
Please forgive the dust that lingered in our home; my time management skills allowed for only one chore to be completed, and the vacuum took precedence. Next time, I promise you will encounter polished surfaces, albeit with crumbs still on the floor.
I must also apologize for the frequent sight of a small, unclothed child during your stay. This is part of our ongoing potty training process.
I regret that we opted for an early dinner at 4 p.m. to avoid potential judgment from other patrons regarding my toddler’s ketchup consumption and the baby’s food-dropping adventures. Next time, let’s remember to consider takeout.
I acknowledge that the baby’s cries may have disturbed your slumber during the night. We adhere to a “cry it out” method, though I understand this can be quite disconcerting.
Our adult conversations were likely limited to whispers, as we are trying to navigate the lightest of sleepers in the house.
I apologize for the seating arrangement, which forced one of you to eat while standing, as two of our chairs are occupied by a booster and a baby seat.
You may find yourself catching a cold post-visit, as my children frequently bring home what we refer to as “The Daycare Special.”
Indeed, the dynamics of a pre-kids home differ vastly from that of a post-kids abode. Nonetheless, I sincerely hope you will remember that you are always welcome here, even if it means sacrificing privacy and sleep for an abundance of love.
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In summary, while your visit may have been marked by a series of unforeseen challenges, I hope the warmth of our home left a lasting impression. We look forward to welcoming you back in the future.