What’s Holding You Back? 9 Strategies for Discovering Your Passion

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As a parent, I often find myself yearning to explore interests beyond my daily responsibilities. Yet, the demands of raising young children frequently consume my time and energy. While parenting is undeniably rewarding, it can also leave little room for personal projects — and that can be incredibly frustrating.

One evening, seeking clarity, I decided to visit a local jazz club where my brother was performing. He was part of a jam session, spontaneously playing alongside fellow musicians, some of whom he had never met before. The number of musicians on stage could vary, and the songs could stretch anywhere from 4 to 20 minutes — he simply embraced each moment, note by note, with no script to guide him. It was captivating to witness his fearless creativity, as he engaged in this practice several times a week.

The next day, while on a walk, I delved deeper into the idea of “jamming.” I asked him how he manages to play without knowing the music in advance.

Me: What if you mess up? How do you even start?
My brother: Musicians call out the key, and you just step up and play. You may not know the song, but you express what you feel. Improvise. Don’t overthink it. They call out the key, and we begin.
Me: But what if you go off track?
My brother: (laughs) That’s okay. Just keep jamming. If you let fear take over, you’ll miss the moment. Trust that you’ll find your way back to the music.

I couldn’t help but draw a parallel to my own experiences. I’ve felt that exhilarating release when I lose myself in a task that’s both challenging and enjoyable. It’s an addictive feeling, but it’s hard to nourish your passions when you’re barely keeping up with the essentials of life. That night, I resolved to simply start. I would stop holding myself back, call out the key, and begin to jam.

But let’s be real: I’m not great at this.
Keep jamming.

I worry about finding the time.
Keep jamming.

What if I mess up? What if people think my efforts are foolish?
Who cares? Enough of that! Keep jamming.

Oh no, the baby just pooped!
Alright, handle that. But then, make time to keep jamming.

We often fear that pursuing our happiness is selfish. Ironically, it’s quite the opposite. Nurturing our passions allows us to be healthier and happier individuals, enhancing our ability to support those around us. I firmly believe it’s our responsibility to tap into our inner selves, take action, and make an impact. The world truly needs our contributions.

Fast forward two and a half years, and I can proudly say I’ve accomplished something significant: I completed and published a cookbook. A cookbook! It’s a wild thought, but I learned that when you’re passionate about something, there’s no need to apologize or feel undeserving of pursuing it.

Here’s how you can discover your own jam:

1. Release the Pressure: Stop stressing about whether you’re doing it “right” or if someone else has already done it. No one else is living your unique journey. Once I silenced the distractions, I heard my own encouraging voice saying, “You got this.”
2. Embrace Uncertainty: A shocking truth of adulthood is that none of us really knows what we’re doing! We’re all improvising. You don’t need every answer upfront — just dive into your project and learn along the way.
3. Accept Mistakes: Anticipate that you’ll make errors; that’s where the real learning happens. My brother may hit a wrong note on stage, but he doesn’t stress over it. He trusts the process and keeps playing.
4. Share Your Ideas: Speaking your aspirations out loud can be daunting, but it can also attract the support and energy you need. Once I shared my goals, I found collaborators and resources that helped turn my vision into reality. The law of attraction is a powerful force.
5. Trust Your Instincts: Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses. If something ignites your passion, pursue it. If it doesn’t excite you, it’s probably not worth your time. But if you find yourself thinking about it late at night, it’s worth exploring.
6. Offer Help: What knowledge or skills do you possess that could benefit others? Whether it’s redesigning a room or mastering meal prep for your family, when you help others, you often discover your own passions along the way.
7. Don’t Aim to Please Everyone: Worrying about what others think is a waste of energy. Focus on being true to yourself. When I started my project, I feared judgment from other parents. Instead, they became my biggest supporters. And if some folks think I’m silly? Who cares? I’m focused on my journey.
8. Identify What Moves You: For me, it’s food and the memories tied to it. When I was developing recipes for my cookbook, I was transported back to my childhood, reliving moments with my family that inspired my cooking.
9. Ditch Perfectionism: Perfection doesn’t exist. If my brother waited until he knew every song flawlessly, he would never play live. The audience is always larger than the performers, and many people never get up on stage due to fear.

So, what’s stopping you? What passions are you putting off because you doubt their worth or fear criticism? Push through that self-doubt, call out your key, and start your own jam session.

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In summary, it’s vital to prioritize your passions alongside your responsibilities. By embracing spontaneity and creativity, you can discover fulfilling pursuits that enrich your life and benefit those around you.