By: Jenna Thompson
It was supposed to be a lovely evening out. My partner, Mark, and I were enjoying a date when, out of nowhere, he got a bloody nose while behind the wheel. His eyes were darting around like he was searching for an escape route, and he froze up, as if his neck had turned to stone. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes—here we go. “Oh no, my nose is bleeding!” he exclaimed, pulling into a parking lot and asking me to dash inside for some toilet paper while he reclined in the driver’s seat, lights off.
“Seriously? We’re like 40 spaces from the store and it’s pitch black! Can’t you park any closer?” I shot back.
“No way, I can’t let anyone see me like this. Hurry!” He urged.
“Try experiencing the monthly horror of bleeding from your crotch, buddy,” I retorted as I slammed the door. PMS had struck, and this was not the time to be sympathetic about a bloody nose.
Is my PMS intense? Absolutely—just ask my family. Here’s what they would tell you:
I Don’t Share Food.
As mothers, we’re often expected to share, especially when it comes to tasty treats that somehow taste better off our plates. However, my kids have learned the hard way that when I’m dealing with PMS, sharing is off the table. I devour snacks, steal candy from them, and munch on a bag of chips while waiting in line at the store. They’re mortified, but I remind them that they used to throw tantrums in public, so they can handle a little chip indulgence.
I Cry. A Lot.
A sentimental commercial comes on TV? Tears. My kids decide to share the last cookie? Waterworks. Mark does the laundry? Total meltdown. If a nostalgic ’90s song comes on the radio, forget it—I’m a puddle. We’ve gone through so many boxes of tissues, I’ve even invested in waterproof mascara for this emotional rollercoaster.
Everyone’s Annoying.
And I mean everyone. If you look at me the wrong way, prepare for both of my middle fingers. Shopping during PMS? Bad idea. If the clothes don’t fit, I might as well be fighting them. If someone chews loudly nearby, they better pray for mercy. And if Caillou appears on the screen? That’s it; I’m ready to snap.
I Apologize. A Lot.
While I don’t believe in over-apologizing—especially as a woman and a mom—I’m the first to admit that I turn into a real grump during that one week each month. I apologize to my family for my behavior, hoping it might make up for the times I hog the snacks, give them the finger, or drink chips in the grocery store. Mostly, it’s because they often have to run for cover when I’m about to blow. But I will never, ever apologize to Caillou.
We’ve earned the right to our grumpy moods, our food hoarding, and our emotional outbursts over every single commercial. We endure the pain of PMS every month, and believe me, we dislike it just as much as you do.
So, while you’re at it, rub my feet and pass me the ice cream.
If you want to dive deeper into the topic of fertility and pregnancy, check out this insightful post on PMS and its impact. Additionally, if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, consider visiting Make a Mom for reliable kits. For broader knowledge on fertility preservation, this Cleveland Clinic podcast is a fantastic resource.
Summary:
PMS can turn even the calmest person into a food-hoarding, emotional wreck. This humorous take on the struggles of dealing with PMS highlights the realities of irritability, emotional sensitivity, and the less-than-glamorous side of monthly cycles. From the refusal to share snacks to constant apologies, it’s a familiar journey for many women. So, next time you encounter a PMS meltdown, remember that it’s all part of the experience.
Leave a Reply