When I reflect on my own upbringing, it’s clear that my father was emotionally distant and often uncommunicative. He rarely engaged with my brother and me, preferring to remain closed off and grouchy. Growing up under the shadow of an abusive father, he built a protective shell around himself—one that I found troubling as I stepped into fatherhood.
With no solid role model to emulate, I faced a daunting question: How could I break free from the emotional baggage of my past? How could I ensure that my child would have a father who was stable and present?
Our natural instincts often kick in automatically, a phenomenon I like to call “cruise control.” It’s that unconscious response shaped by our childhood experiences. So when my young son enthusiastically asked, “Dad, do you wanna play cars?!” my immediate reaction was one of resistance. The thought that crossed my mind was, “Why would I want to sit on the floor and play with toy cars?”
That was my cruise control speaking—the voice of my father echoing in my mind. However, I had made a conscious decision long ago to be a better father and partner than my own dad. I refused to let those ingrained reflexes dictate my actions. Instead, I started to pause and ask myself meaningful questions: “What kind of father do I want to be?” “What would I have wanted from my dad?” “What does my son truly deserve?”
What my little boy heard was a resounding, “Of course, buddy!” I joined him on the floor, picking up a tiny car. Initially, I felt out of place; after all, I had often played alone as a child with an older brother. But soon, the awkwardness slipped away, replaced by genuine engagement and joy in spending time together.
My son grew up with the father I consciously chose to be, not the one I was conditioned to emulate. I shifted from cruise control to a more deliberate manual mode. Yes, it requires effort to consciously make decisions, especially when many of us didn’t grow up in nurturing environments. Our automatic reactions often stem from a place of insecurity or fear. Yet by training ourselves to pause, we can ask ourselves, “What kind of person do I aspire to be? Can I respond in a way that aligns with my values and makes me proud?”
If you’re interested in exploring more about this subject, check out this insightful post on emotional growth in parenting here. And for those considering at-home insemination options, CryoBaby offers a reputable selection of syringe kits. Additionally, Rmany provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, being a parent is a conscious choice. It’s about breaking free from past patterns and actively deciding who we want to be for our children—because they deserve the best version of us.
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