Attention Parents: The Incredible Forgiveness of Children

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When my son, Oliver, was just four years old, his best buddy threw a punch and snatched his string cheese. Mere minutes later, they were back to playing together as if nothing had happened. I watched in disbelief as my little boy, with his tousled brown hair, laughed alongside this kid who had just assaulted him. How could he possibly let it go so easily?

It wasn’t that his friend had a history of violence; in fact, this was probably their first real altercation. But still, he had punched Oliver and taken his snack! If someone did that to me, I’d be seeking legal action and would certainly need a restraining order to move past it. I can confidently say I wouldn’t be playing superheroes with them just ten minutes later.

The remarkable thing about my children is their natural ability to forgive. Oliver is now nine, and in all that time, I don’t think he has ever held a grudge—at least none that I’ve noticed. I have three kids, and both of Oliver’s younger sisters, ages six and two, also seem to let things go easily. Sure, they’ve accused me of being unfair when I’ve taken away their tablets or playdates for not completing chores, but they quickly move past it. I’ve seen Lily, my youngest, pull her sister’s hair and burst her birthday balloon, only to be laughing together in front of the TV half an hour later.

Maybe this is just a quirk of my kids, or perhaps many children under ten possess this extraordinary ability to forgive. I can only speak from my experience with my family. However, I do believe that as they grow into their teenage years, they will likely learn how to hold onto anger and resentments. I can’t pinpoint when I learned this behavior myself.

As a parent, I spend a lot of time teaching my children various life skills—from how to use the bathroom to reading. Yet, I rarely consider what I can learn from them. Their ability to forgive so readily, whether it’s for a minor transgression or a bigger mistake, is something I find remarkable.

At 33, I’ve witnessed people harboring grudges for years. I’ve seen siblings become estranged over issues as trivial as borrowing a crockpot. While I acknowledge that some actions are indeed unforgivable, the majority of grievances can be overlooked. Children seem to inherently understand this; they know that holding onto anger only spoils their fun. Reflecting on how many joyful moments I might forfeit because I can’t let go of a grudge makes me wish I could embrace that childlike perspective.

This sentiment hits home particularly hard when I think about my older brother. We haven’t spoken in nearly a year. Growing up, we were inseparable, often bickering but always reconciling quickly. Somewhere along the line, we learned how to dislike each other. A mix of differing political views and religious beliefs chipped away at our relationship, leading to back-and-forth comments until communication ceased altogether. It pains me to recall how close we once were and the moments we’ve lost due to our inability to forgive.

I don’t have a clear solution to mend this relationship, but I know it begins with us forgiving one another for the past. It’s about returning to that state of letting things slide and just enjoying each other’s company, like we used to do when we played superheroes. I think it’s time for me to reach out again. If you find yourself in a similar situation with someone you wish to reconnect with, consider how your children forgive so effortlessly. We can certainly learn a thing or two from them.

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In summary, children possess an incredible talent for forgiveness that we as adults often overlook. Their ability to quickly move past conflicts reminds us to embrace a more forgiving nature, helping us reconnect with loved ones and cherish the moments that truly matter.


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