Parenting Insights
As my partner and I embark on the journey of raising our three wonderful kids, I often find myself reflecting on our approach to discipline. Our children—aged 15, 11, and 7—are compassionate, responsible, and generally enjoyable to be around. They’ve avoided major trouble so far, and I’m grateful for that. However, despite all the parenting advice I’ve consumed about the significance of consistency and consequences, I have to admit that I struggle with maintaining discipline.
On one hand, I feel confident in my ability to impart valuable lessons. Since they were toddlers, we’ve emphasized core character traits—what we refer to as “values.” We regularly discuss behavioral challenges using this framework, helping them navigate social situations through role-play and open communication. I strive to create a safe space for them to express their concerns, which I believe is crucial for their development. So, when it comes to this proactive aspect of discipline, I feel relatively competent.
But let’s talk about the flip side—the consequences for misbehavior. That’s where I falter. I find myself being inconsistent and forgetful. I might impose a consequence for a specific action, only to lose track of it later. I try to establish systems to manage chores or reward good behavior, but those plans often fade after just a couple of days. I’ve told my kids I won’t repeat myself, yet I invariably end up saying things multiple times before I reach my breaking point. My own cluttered space often undermines my authority as I admonish them for their messy rooms while my own nightstand overflows with books and papers.
I often set limits on screen time, only to forget them when life gets busy. I let them negotiate snacks at bedtime (which usually results in healthy choices like apples and peanut butter), but I wonder if I’m being too lenient. I sometimes admire friends who adopt a strict approach to discipline—like my friend, Lisa, who recently stripped her son’s room bare until he could earn back his belongings through good behavior. I respect her resolve, but that method just doesn’t align with my laid-back personality. I fear a drastic approach would only intimidate my kids, as they know it would take a significant issue for me to react in such a way.
Despite my less-than-perfect consistency, our children have generally avoided significant behavioral issues. Sure, they’ve faced typical challenges of growing up, like shyness or anxiety, but those are issues that shouldn’t be punished. I’m more concerned about my inconsistency leading them to struggle with their own discipline in the future. I worry that they might end up mirroring my challenges with consistency, especially when they have kids of their own one day.
Yet, parenting is a journey of learning and adapting. Perhaps one day, one of our children will really test our limits, prompting us to adopt a firmer stance. Or maybe their personalities will lead them down a gentler path, just as mine has. I hope that my strengths in proactive discipline compensate for my shortcomings in setting consequences. I want my kids to understand that I’m trying my best, that I’m human, and that there are many ways to raise good children—even if discipline isn’t my strongest suit.
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In summary, while my approach to discipline may not fit the mold of traditional methods, I hope my proactive efforts will guide our children positively. Like all of us, I’m a work in progress, and I trust that my kids will appreciate the journey we’re on together.
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