Let’s talk about the notion of “having it all.” Phrases like “lean in,” “work-life balance,” and “integrated life” have been thrown at us as if they hold the keys to empowerment and stress relief. But honestly, they’re misleading. What started as a feminist rallying cry for equality has unfortunately devolved into an unrealistic standard that pressures women to excel at everything.
I proudly identify as a feminist and advocate for changes that allow both men and women to pursue fulfilling careers while raising families. However, the idea that anyone can “have it all” is utterly absurd. Let’s face it: no one can truly have it all.
Even if we stop using the phrase, the concept is so ingrained in our culture that it’s hard to escape. Women work tirelessly to “lean in” at their jobs but still feel guilty if their homes aren’t immaculate or if they don’t sign up for every PTA event. We’ve heard stay-at-home moms downplay their roles by saying they’re “just” moms, and we constantly feel the burden of guilt for not being able to juggle it all.
This notion of “having it all” sets a double standard. We don’t question whether men can or can’t achieve this ideal, so why do we hold women to such high expectations? The underlying implication is that if a woman’s life doesn’t encompass a career, children, and marriage, she somehow falls short. Feminism should encompass the rights and choices of all women, not just those who fit a specific mold.
Let’s not ignore the systemic issues that make it challenging for anyone to “have it all,” such as wage disparities and inadequate family leave policies. However, we also have to recognize the pressures we place on ourselves. Life is about choices, and we all have limited time and energy. When we add new responsibilities—whether they relate to work, family, or personal interests—we inevitably have to remove something else. Otherwise, we risk feeling overwhelmed, like a toddler spilling juice all over a white rug.
So seriously, can we please stop discussing “having it all”? The truth is that neither men nor women can achieve this mythical balance. It’s time to stop measuring ourselves against an unattainable standard that leaves us feeling inadequate.
Instead of debating whether women can have it all, let’s shift our focus to valuing caregivers in our society. We should ensure that mothers receive the postpartum care they deserve and that parents—both mothers and fathers—can take adequate time off work after welcoming a new child. Let’s embrace saying “no” and be kinder to ourselves when we can’t manage everything perfectly.
We need to stop labeling moms as “working moms” or “stay-at-home moms.” In reality, we are all just parents, and the buffet of what constitutes a fulfilling life is vast and varied. None of us can have it all, and even if we could, we all know the experience of being too busy to enjoy every moment, like trying to eat a meal while multitasking.
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In summary, it’s high time we leave behind the unrealistic expectation of “having it all.” Instead, let’s celebrate the diverse paths to fulfillment that exist for everyone, recognizing that no one can do it all, and that’s perfectly okay.
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