The experience of motherhood has profoundly shaped my life in two significant ways. It has both dismantled my preconceived notions and unveiled my true self. I’m not framing this in a negative light; rather, I’m sharing my journey with honesty.
Having embraced motherhood for over eight years, I’ve simultaneously embarked on a path of self-discovery that has led me to revelations I never anticipated. Since I became a mother, I’ve felt the weight of responsibility in every aspect of my life—my heart, my emotions, my joys, and my struggles. Each step I take feels like a heavy shuffle, as if I’m constantly torn between competing desires. It’s more than I ever imagined it would be, and it has certainly been challenging.
When I welcomed two little ones into the world, I was hit with the realization of my unpreparedness. I once thought I could excel in this role, but now I find myself questioning whether I’m creating the childhood my children truly deserve. Deep down, I know they deserve more than what I’ve been able to provide. They should have structure, proper guidance, and healthy meals at every table setting—even if they turn their noses up at them. Too often, I find myself falling short on those fronts. I long to be the mom who can pull together a wholesome, home-cooked meal, but the reality is, that’s not who I am right now.
Currently, I’m navigating a phase of life where career aspirations and personal passions take precedence, and I grapple with overwhelming guilt. My youngest just turned four, and I previously convinced myself that being a stay-at-home parent was what he needed. It didn’t take long to realize that I thrive when I’m pursuing my passions instead of being confined to the home. I need to be active, creative, and engaged in pursuits beyond just raising my beautiful children.
I often feel ashamed for admitting this. Am I a bad person? A bad mother? Shouldn’t my children provide enough fulfillment to quell my other ambitions? They are more than enough—truly. They are remarkable and magical, and their mere existence inspires me to reach for more in life. They light up my world.
Yet, amid this journey of self-reflection, I’ve stumbled upon a heavy truth—perhaps the most profound revelation a mother can encounter. It’s something I was even less ready for than the challenges of motherhood itself: I am not enough.
I’ve been trapped in a cycle of self-doubt, believing I’m not doing enough for my children, and thus, I’m unworthy of them. This self-deprecating mindset has led me to feel undeserving of the beautiful life I live, and I’ve erroneously equated my desire for more with a sense of guilt.
The truth is, I haven’t been nurturing myself as I should. I’ve treated my aspirations and passions as if they are secondary, burdening myself with guilt for feeling unfulfilled. My heart doesn’t simply belong at home; it resides within my children. I can’t continue to punish myself for yearning for greater fulfillment. I can’t berate the woman who has given life. I must remind her: You are enough! You are deserving of all that life offers.
It’s perfectly fine that I don’t prepare every meal from scratch (okay, none at all). It’s acceptable that my discipline can be inconsistent at times, and that our family structure remains intact even if we skip teeth brushing on occasion. What truly matters is the abundance of love we share—more than we know what to do with.
As I venture into this new chapter of motherhood, I’m prepared to uncover yet another incredible truth—one that promises to be just as surprising, but this time, it will restore my sense of self-worth. That I am enough.
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In summary, my journey through motherhood has been filled with unexpected challenges and enlightening discoveries. I’m learning to embrace my worth and acknowledge that I am enough, just as I am.
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