When I first got married, childless, and in my early twenties, I had plenty of time to dream up whimsical ideas about what parenting would entail. I envisioned delightful Saturdays spent at farmers’ markets, my kids happily sampling fresh produce, all while we searched for the finest broccoli together.
Then reality hit.
On our inaugural trip to the local farmers’ market, my son swiped a piece of broccoli from a vendor, took a bite, and promptly spat it out, exclaiming, “Yuck!” That was the moment my sparkly parenting fantasies were shattered. Now, instead of daydreaming about idyllic family outings, I’m more focused on what I absolutely won’t do for my kids.
1. Shell Out Full Price for Name Brand Clothing
I couldn’t care less about brand names, and I refuse to pay a premium just because it sports a trendy logo. My parents had a similar mindset, and guess what? I turned out just fine. It taught me to be independent and not get swept away by consumer culture. If I stumble upon a brand-name piece on clearance or at a discount store, I might consider it if it’s genuinely needed (I’m not completely heartless here).
2. Participate in the PTA
To all the dedicated PTA parents out there: I admire your commitment! But I can’t juggle work, writing, motherhood, and being a spouse while also attending PTA meetings to organize fundraisers. I’m happy to support your events and enjoy the cookie dough, but committees? No, thanks.
3. Allow My Kids to Participate in Every Activity Available
Absolutely not! My schedule can’t handle driving my kids to a different activity every single night. If there aren’t at least two free weeknights, I transform into a stressed-out mess, worrying about missing gear and vegetables that need chopping. My rule? One activity at a time. I want my kids to learn how to prioritize early on, recognizing that they don’t need to do everything or please everyone. Plus, let’s be real: they probably won’t be the next top athlete or Nobel Prize winner, so no need for traveling teams or competitions.
4. Expect Perfect Grades
As a former high school English teacher, I’ve witnessed students crumble over a B. It’s heartbreaking when their self-worth is tied to grades that their parents deem acceptable. I will encourage my kids to give their best effort, whatever that means for them—even if it results in less-than-stellar grades. School performance is not the sole marker of success.
5. Mandate College Attendance
My partner and I hold four college degrees between us, but I don’t believe a degree is essential for everyone. My kids are aware that some careers require higher education, and they understand the concept of college. However, when the time comes for them to choose their path after high school, I want them to feel empowered to select what resonates with them—be it work, college, or traveling—rather than what I envision for them.
Every parent has a duty to provide for their children and make choices that may go against conventional wisdom. Establishing a list of things that I won’t do for my kids helps set boundaries in the often chaotic world of parenting and (fingers crossed) prevents them from growing up to be spoiled. This list can evolve as they grow. Parents, don’t hesitate to set limits—trust me, your kids will survive if they wear shoes from a discount store or miss out on the traveling soccer team this summer.
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In summary, these guidelines reflect my values as a parent and help me foster independence and resilience in my children.
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