My dear partner, I can see the yearning in your eyes. I know you miss the carefree days before we welcomed our children, those moments spent snuggled in bed, binge-watching our favorite shows – days when I was solely yours.
I want you to know that I miss those times too.
I understand that you’ve been putting on a brave front while navigating life on your own. I seem to have built a wall between us, and you’re longing for your closest friend.
But I’m here to assure you, you still have that friend.
I sense that deep down, you wish I would stay home to care for our kids, tidy our chaotic house, and spend more quality time with you instead of working my shifts as a nurse. I want you to know that I recognize the sacrifices our family has made to allow me to pursue my career, and I am truly grateful for it.
I feel the distance between us as well. It’s palpable during our hectic mornings, in the silence at dinner when exhaustion overtakes conversation, and at night when we lie next to each other, avoiding touch, pretending to be asleep.
I’m asking you to hold on for me.
These past five years have been a whirlwind. We’ve faced the stress of wedding planning and the financial strain that came with it. We’ve purchased a home together and are steadily making progress on the mortgage despite initial doubts from the bank. We’ve embraced parenthood as best as we could, raising two spirited children who are bound to make their mark on this world. We’ve supported each other through job-related stress and complex relationships.
We’ve weathered the storm.
But I know I’m not the partner you deserve at the moment, and I can see how it weighs on you. I know you know I understand, but I just can’t be fully present right now. I don’t have the energy to care for one more person.
I need you to be strong.
I need you to allow me to take care of myself first, or we risk capsizing.
In these five years, I’ve been pregnant twice. Each time, my body has transformed, gaining and shedding 40 pounds to nurture our babies. I bear the marks of motherhood: stretch marks, sagging skin, gray hairs, and a weary gaze that no concealer can mask.
Yet I know you will always see me as beautiful, regardless of how I feel.
Since becoming a parent, I’ve sought help from various professionals—doctors, chiropractors, and physiotherapists—to mend what carrying our children has done to my body. I know you’ll support me, even if it means I might need hip surgery down the line and face a long recovery.
My wardrobe is now a mix of maternity clothes, worn-out nursing tops, and pants that either fit too tightly or hang too loosely. My body is just beginning to find its way back to what it once was, and the thought of another pregnancy makes me hesitate, even though my heart tells me I’m not finished yet.
I already know you don’t care about what I wear or whether we decide to have another child.
Between the challenges of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and the feeling of inadequacy as a parent, I often find myself teetering between laughter and tears.
But I know you will always be there with a shoulder to lean on, and you won’t mock my emotional upheaval too harshly.
These five years have been long and challenging, but I wouldn’t want to share this journey with anyone else but you.
So, my dear partner, I want to remind you that I’m committed for the long haul. It may not seem like it right now, but there is truly no other place I’d rather be. As our children grow and we emerge from this chaotic yet beautiful phase of our lives, we will have more time for each other.
I will have more of myself to offer you.
But for now, I need to learn to believe in all the things about myself that you already see so clearly. Please, continue to wait for me.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, you can check out this article that offers valuable perspectives. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, Cryobaby provides excellent kits for your journey. Additionally, Healthline has great resources about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, I ask for your patience and understanding as we navigate this busy chapter together. I’m still here, and I’m working on being the partner you deserve.
Leave a Reply