Parenting can sometimes feel like an overwhelming challenge. There are days when exhaustion clouds my thoughts, leaving me unable to articulate what I want to say. I often find myself too drained to engage in play, and my patience thins at the slightest request. It seems like the majority of my words are commands: “Finish your breakfast! Pick up those socks! Be kind to your brother! No, the toilet paper does not belong in the sink! Your sleeve is not a tissue! Please, for the love of everything, aim for the toilet!”
As I reflect on each day, I question whether I’m giving you both a joyful childhood. I wonder if there are enough happy memories for you to hold onto. What will you remember about your life and about me? Will I be just the person who fed you, directed you, and wiped away your tears—or will I also be the one who brought joy, shared exciting ideas, and embodied kindness?
I suspect you’ll remember a mix of it all. That’s how I recall my own upbringing. There were moments filled with shouting and tears, but intertwined with those were beautiful memories of connection and joy. I truly hope to create more of those moments with you both.
I want you to see me as your mom first and foremost, but also as a woman—an imperfect human being filled with love and warmth that comes without conditions. I have a long journey ahead in your lives, and as I think about the memories I wish to leave you with, there are a few simple truths I hope you’ll carry with you.
To my dear boys, here’s what I hope you remember about me:
- I want you to recall those evenings when I claimed exhaustion, but then, at 7 p.m. on a Saturday, we bundled ourselves in jackets over our pajamas, strolled to the deli, and indulged in M&M’s while soaking up the magic of the night.
- I hope you remember how I held you like babies when you were unwell, rocking you and singing “This Little Light of Mine” off-key, with lyrics only half-remembered, until you drifted off peacefully against my heart.
- You should always know that no matter how scared you felt after a nightmare, my room was a safe haven where I would hold your hand until you fell back asleep.
- Yes, there were times I raised my voice over trivial matters, but I want you to remember that I always apologized if my frustration got out of hand.
- Think back to those nights we had breakfast for dinner, enjoyed ice cream as a meal, or even a plate of French fries, and remember those as fun times, not as failures on my part.
- Remember the mom who would stop to admire the moon and marvel at a stunning sunset.
- I hope you’ll remember my soft belly, the creases on my forehead, my messy hair, and my worn-out sweatshirt as symbols of everything that defines motherhood.
- I want you to see me as an ordinary woman, a courageous woman who spoke her truth to you and others.
- Know that every decision I made was rooted in love, even when mistakes were made.
- I want you to understand that I tried my absolute best, wanting nothing more than for you to feel safe and cherished.
While I can’t dictate the memories you’ll create, I can only hope that amid the chaos of daily life, I’m offering you moments of authentic happiness. I hope that my perceived flaws become part of the tapestry of me being real—showing up and loving you endlessly.
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In summary, while I navigate the ups and downs of motherhood, I hope you carry these cherished memories of me as a loving and imperfect mom.
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