When your phone buzzes at an odd hour, it’s wise to think twice before checking it. Chances are, it won’t bring good news.
“I really hate to send this via email, but I just couldn’t find the courage to call,” a mom wrote to me and a few others. “My son came home in tears yesterday about something that happened at school. I spoke with Mrs. Johnson, and she witnessed it. I felt it was important to let you know.”
At that moment, my heart raced. She was about to inform me that my child had been unkind to hers.
As I read on, this mom—whom I know only casually—described some serious bullying behavior—exclusion, name-calling, and downright meanness. My son was involved. While he wasn’t the ringleader, he certainly didn’t intervene, which felt just as bad.
“I understand my son can be sensitive, but they will be in the same school for years to come. I hope we can work together to improve their relationship. I’ve told him to apologize for what he said, and I’ll follow up to make sure he does.”
I had to admire her. She handled the situation with grace, refraining from blame or harsh words. She focused on the facts and genuinely seemed interested in resolving the issue for everyone involved.
That night, however, I was a bundle of nerves. We say we want to know when our kids misbehave, but when that truth comes from another parent, it can be disheartening. I wished I had never received that message.
The Five Stages of Realizing Your Child is Acting Like a Jerk
In the following hours, I went through the five stages of realizing my child was acting like a jerk:
- Denial: No way could my sweet child do that! This mom must have mixed him up with another boy in class.
- Anger: I’m furious! How could he pick on another kid? I brought him into this world, and I can take him out!
- Bargaining: Maybe it was just a misunderstanding, or perhaps the other child fabricated the story.
- Depression: Why? Why did my kid have to be the one acting this way? What did I do wrong? Is it all that video game time?
- Acceptance: Alright, what’s the plan here? Time to set some boundaries and ensure he understands the gravity of his actions.
The next morning, I sat down with my son over breakfast to discuss the “incident.” Before I could finish my sentence, he broke down in tears.
“Mom, I didn’t know what to do! It started as a joke, but then it spiraled out of control. I felt so lost!”
I was skeptical, but as he recounted the events, they seemed to align with what the other parent had shared. While I was relieved he didn’t initiate the negative behavior, I was disappointed that he didn’t put a stop to it either.
“What’s our next step?” I asked.
“Mrs. Johnson made us write apology letters as homework. Here’s mine,” he said, handing me a crumpled piece of paper from his backpack.
“Is that sufficient?” I asked, trying to maintain a serious tone.
“Not really. I said sorry after school, but maybe I could do something nice for her too,” he replied, looking down.
“Great idea. How about we treat her to ice cream with the money you’ll earn doing chores this weekend?” I thought I had a clever plan that would benefit us both.
“Okay, Mom. I get it. I’m really sorry,” he said, and I believed him. I felt a flicker of pride for his willingness to take responsibility right away.
We all claim we want to be informed about our children’s misbehavior, but confronting the reality can be painful. This was a minor incident, but it serves as a valuable lesson for when my child missteps again. Perhaps next time, I’ll transition from anger to acceptance a little quicker.
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In summary, discovering your child has behaved poorly can be a tough pill to swallow. The emotional journey through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance is universal among parents. Learning to navigate these moments can help us grow as individuals and as parents.
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