The other evening, my daughter proudly announced that she had crafted an incredible card for me for Valentine’s Day.
“At school,” she clarified, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “I made you an amazing Valentine’s Day card at school.”
“Oh really?” I responded, genuinely pleased. “That’s wonderful to hear. What a thoughtful surprise!”
“Wait a second,” she said, grinning wide. “I meant Mudder’s Day! I made a card for Mudder’s Day!”
In her little world, nothing could overshadow the joy of Mudder’s Day—no Valentine’s Day or any other holiday mattered as much.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember feeling that same thrill during holidays. Mother’s Day was enchanting, filled with sparkly magic that made motherhood seem like a dream. It was about handpicked dandelion bouquets, glittery crafts, and the sweet joy of love. I was blessed with a beautiful childhood where Mother’s Day embodied purity, devotion, and maternal warmth.
Back then, I couldn’t fathom that Mother’s Day or the concept of motherhood might harbor complexities or darker moments, akin to discovering that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were somehow intertwined.
As I’ve matured, I’ve gained a profound understanding of the emotional intricacies surrounding Mother’s Day. While some experience the idyllic joy portrayed in commercials, others grapple with loss, longing, and sorrow. For many, Mother’s Day is a bittersweet blend of joy, gratitude, and heartache. It can feel like a daunting trek through muddy trenches.
Despite the picture-perfect image of Mother’s Day that advertisers promote, many face a more challenging reality. There are friends mourning the absence of their mothers, whether this is the first Mother’s Day spent without them or many years later, as the void never truly disappears. Then there are the women whose dreams of motherhood have been disrupted or dashed by infertility, miscarriage, or unforeseen circumstances. Some may walk this path without a partner to share the burdens, while others deal with strained or distant relationships with their own mothers. Additionally, there are mothers who have faced the unimaginable loss of a child, a heartache that remains forever raw.
I won’t pretend to understand the depth of pain that some experience on Mother’s Day. I’ve faced my share of disappointments and unmet expectations during holidays, as they often come with a heavy dose of pressure and anticipation. However, my disappointments pale in comparison to the profound struggles that many endure. I’m fortunate to have a loving mother and a supportive partner who makes me feel appreciated not just on Mother’s Day, but every day.
I can’t truly grasp the pain of losing a parent or a child. While I have encountered the pain of infertility and miscarriage, those struggles belong to my past. I can’t fully fathom the complex emotions you may be experiencing—feelings that might coexist with gratitude and love.
So, instead of offering well-meaning yet empty platitudes or advice, I want to say this: I see you, and I hear you.
I recognize the heaviness in your gaze and the unspoken sorrows in your voice. I see the smile of your mother reflected in the faces of her grandchildren, and I admire the fierce love you pour into the child you have because of the one you’ve lost. I notice how you cherish your nieces and nephews, giving them attention that sometimes feels elusive in the whirlwind of parenting. I hear your silence when discussions turn to motherhood, and I understand that it can be a painful space.
While I may not know your specific struggles or the emotions woven into your story, please know that you are seen, you are heard, and you are loved.
Happy Mudder’s Day, happy muddy day, or simply Happy Valentine’s Day—whichever resonates with you. Just remember, you are not alone in this journey. If you’re seeking more insight into navigating these feelings, consider checking out one of our other blog posts here, and if you’re in need of supplies for home insemination, Cryobaby offers reliable kits. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit The Center at UCSF.
Summary
This article reflects on the complexities of Mother’s Day, acknowledging the varied emotions experienced by women during this holiday. It emphasizes understanding, compassion, and recognition for those facing challenges, loss, or bittersweet memories, while encouraging readers to know they are seen and heard.
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