I’ve heard it countless times: “You must be so happy. After all, you have a wonderful partner, a brilliant and beautiful child, and a job you truly enjoy. You’re so lucky. You’re so blessed.”
And while it’s true that I am fortunate and grateful, the reality is much more complex. I am not the confident, thriving woman you might envision. The persona I project through my writing may suggest strength, but it masks a deeper struggle. Just because I smile in photos—where my social media is filled with joyful moments and family adventures—doesn’t mean that I am genuinely happy.
My smile doesn’t equate to wellness.
While I embody many of those positive attributes, I also grapple with depression. Beneath the surface of my cheerful demeanor lies a profound sadness. A dull, consistent pain lingers in my body, and behind my carefully made-up eyes are tears waiting to spill.
But you wouldn’t know this. If you were to meet me, you might think, “She seems fine.” I maintain a healthy lifestyle, exercise regularly, and participate in social activities. I have a stable job, and on the outside, I look composed. I don’t fit the stereotype of someone struggling with mental health—like the individuals portrayed in somber black-and-white commercials, curled up in despair.
Yet, just because I can function doesn’t imply that I am truly “okay.” Inside, I often feel suffocated, trapped in a cycle of emptiness and numbness. I am simultaneously full of emotions and devoid of them.
To you, I might appear as a driven woman, a dedicated mother, and a supportive friend. You see me playing with my child at the park, laughing as she chases bubbles, but what you don’t see is the internal battle I fight. My work ethic is a shield, a way to distract myself from my thoughts and feelings. When I’m busy, I can avoid the whispers of self-doubt and despair that creep in during moments of silence.
What you might not realize is that my smile is often a façade, crafted to ease the discomfort of those around me—and myself. No one wants a pessimistic friend, a burdensome partner, or a mother who brings the mood down. So, I put on a brave face while pushing my daughter on the swings, even when my mind drifts to dark corners. I laugh during games of hide-and-seek, even as I secretly wish to vanish.
The truth is, Ava Thompson, the writer, represents a persona. The real me is fragile, anxious, and often overwhelmed. Despite outward appearances of success and happiness, the complexities of depression are not always visible. It doesn’t always manifest as the stereotypical “sad” person in the corner. It can exist within those who seem to have everything going for them, thriving in their professional and personal lives.
Depression comes in many forms; it’s a silent companion that knows no boundaries. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time when organizations like Mental Health America (MHA) encourage individuals to share their experiences with mental health challenges by using the hashtag #mentalillnessfeelslike on social media.
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In summary, depression is a multifaceted experience that often goes unnoticed. It’s crucial to recognize that behind the smiles and successful facades, many people are silently battling their own struggles.
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