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“I’m eating for two.”
Sure, I’ve been avoiding soft cheeses, cured meats, coffee, alcohol, and sushi for months, so allow me this moment with a Costco sheet cake. It might taste like guilt and regret, but it’s my comfort food! -
“I have a birth plan.”
Let’s be honest: my birth plan primarily involves pain relief. Can I get that prescription filled now? Honestly, hearing about your 12-day labor saga with endless pushing and complications isn’t helping my anxiety. Time for more cake to ease my nerves. -
“Ahem Ahem Ahem.”
That’s me, trying to mask an embarrassing situation as I navigate the hallways. Let’s just say my digestive system is on a wild ride, and I’m not sure what’s about to happen. -
“I’m having trouble sleeping.”
Since week 30, I’ve probably had two hours of uninterrupted sleep. While you’re cozy in your bed, I’m scouring Amazon for sterilization kits. If my husband complains about my restless nights, I might just take matters into my own hands—figuratively! -
“We’ve decided on a name.”
Even if you knew a less-than-stellar person with my chosen name, keep it to yourself. Whether I choose something like Adolf Crisco Belieber or not, your smile and enthusiasm are mandatory. -
“I can’t see my feet.”
I can’t see anything below my neck at this point. My grooming routine has gone downhill, and my body resembles a jungle where chaos reigns. -
“Where’s your bathroom?”
I pee so often that I’ve thought about adult diapers. Unfortunately, my digestive system is in flux, so who knows what’ll happen. It’s like a surprise every time I visit the restroom, minus the fun! -
“Yep, I’m still pregnant.”
And yes, I already know that spicy food, sex, and other remedies are supposed to induce labor. Thanks for your unsolicited advice, dear stranger; your demonstration wasn’t necessary. -
“My dreams have been strange lately.”
Last night, I dreamt I had a tiny hotdog baby and left him in a fitting room. If this is a sign of my parenting skills, I might need to prepare for an awkward encounter with child services. -
“The doctor says that my bump is the right size.”
No, there aren’t twins in there. If you think pregnancy is just a cute baby bump, you haven’t seen me lately. My body is holding onto enough water to keep a small fire at bay. And trust me, the postpartum body is a topic you should avoid with me.
In summary, pregnancy is a wild ride filled with unexpected emotions and experiences. For more insights into the journey of parenthood and helpful resources, check out this article and consider reputable retailers like Make A Mom for at-home insemination kits. For a deeper understanding of the IVF process, visit Parents.com.
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