My 6-year-old seems to need to use the restroom every 15 minutes, which feels a lot like the experience of a pregnant woman constantly on the lookout for the nearest bathroom. I’ve practically memorized the restroom locations at every place we visit. If my eldest isn’t urgently needing to go, my 4-year-old is clutching himself and complaining. I know I should be more understanding, but we just had a bathroom break moments ago, and now I have to wrangle all three kids, including our 2-year-old, into a restroom while keeping the little one from touching everything in sight. It’s a test of patience I often find hard to pass.
This scenario played out repeatedly—my toddler was practically licking the walls of the Target bathroom, convinced it was his duty to hand me toilet paper like I was royalty, while the older boys scampered into different stalls. Finally, I reached my limit, pointed toward the family restroom at Target, and said, “Alright. Go ahead. Blaise, take August with you.”
And they did just that. They went in, did their business, washed their hands, and came out unscathed. It felt like a victory.
Surprisingly, they prefer the men’s room. I always remind them, “If someone bothers you, scream as loudly as possible!” They nod in agreement, darting into the restroom filled with urinals and graffiti. Often, they slip in before I can catch them, or I can’t keep a watchful eye. Ideally, I’d rather they didn’t go in there without their dad. Maybe it’s the urinals that make me uneasy. Statistically speaking, children are far more likely to be harmed by someone they know rather than a stranger, but the thought of my young sons in the men’s restroom, even with me nearby, makes me uncomfortable.
So, I let them use the women’s room instead. Yes, while women can also pose a risk, the statistics show it’s considerably lower than the chances of someone swiping items from my shopping cart while I’m busy managing the boys. I can focus on keeping my baby off the restroom floor and avoid looking suspicious while they handle their business.
Many people think I’m out of my mind for allowing my 6- and 4-year-olds to enter public restrooms alone. Concerns range from potential molestation to mischief with toilet paper and sinks. Some worry they might leave the door open and be kidnapped! However, I don’t stress about any of that, except for the handwashing—I always ensure their hands are wet when they exit.
I always send both boys in together, preferably to the women’s room. This sometimes leads to protests about using the men’s room (no way) or the non-peeing sibling not wanting to tag along (too bad). I’m usually right outside, keeping a close watch, or I’ll call out if they take too long, which usually means they’re dealing with a more significant issue. My boys understand not to engage in vandalism, and more importantly, I trust they’re safe from harm.
Now, some may worry about transgender individuals using the women’s restroom, fearing for the safety of their children. But let’s be clear: statistics show that there are zero reported incidents of transgender people attacking anyone in public restrooms. I would expect a transgender woman to help my child reach the soap, not harm him. They are statistically less likely to pose a danger than cisgender individuals, which means I’m comfortable allowing my children to use the restroom independently.
No, they aren’t at risk of molestation from anyone—transgender, cisgender, or otherwise. Some will argue against this logic and statistics, insisting my children will be in danger the moment they leave my sight. They may claim I don’t love my kids because I trust the data.
But this choice is about convenience for me, yes, but it also empowers my children. They don’t have to deal with me hovering over them while they use the restroom. They learn about bodily autonomy, independence, and responsibility in a real-world setting.
Allowing my kids to navigate public restrooms on their own is part of their growth process, and I’m thankful for it.
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In summary, allowing my children to use public restrooms independently is a decision rooted in practicality and trust. It fosters their growth while helping me maintain my sanity.
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