When my son was a toddler, I often found it easy to label his behavior as “stubborn” or, if I wanted a more optimistic spin, “strong-willed.” This was not a child who would simply adapt to situations—everything had to go his way, and when it didn’t, there was no shortage of resistance.
I vividly recall one sunny afternoon when he was just 5 months old. We were enjoying a beautiful day outside, and he was happily playing in the grass, pulling up dandelions while I nervously tried to prevent him from nibbling on them. As lunch approached, I picked him up to head inside, and he erupted into tears. No gentle whimper, but full-blown wailing, shaking his tiny fists in protest while casting longing glances at the sunny scene we were about to leave. I set him back down, and he beamed with joy, but the moment I tried to pick him up again, the tears flowed anew. I never imagined a baby could express such disappointment over leaving an activity prematurely, but there it was.
His challenges extended beyond transitions. Once we began introducing solid foods, he became quite the picky eater. If a dish didn’t meet his exacting standards, he would turn his head away and shut his mouth tight. This pickiness also applied to clothing; he refused anything with tags or that felt scratchy against his skin. He often complained of being too hot or too cold and was prone to dramatic meltdowns, which were often difficult to diffuse.
Despite his intensity, parenting him was a rewarding experience. From an early age, he showed remarkable intelligence—a deep thinker, always lost in thought. He enjoyed reading, spinning imaginative tales, and even playing with numbers, mastering the art of reading early on and manipulating fractions by the time he was just 4.
Interestingly, while he exhibited strong-willed tendencies at home, he was generally well-behaved in school and made friends easily. I began to connect his stubbornness with his giftedness, a common trait in many bright children. I reassured myself that as long as he thrived outside our home, it was acceptable for him to express his frustrations with us, believing he would outgrow some of these traits as he matured.
At 9 years old, he has indeed made progress. He can now recognize when he is being unreasonable and is learning to adapt. Although he still experiences emotions intensely and maintains his competitive spirit, the frequent tantrums are largely a thing of the past.
Recently, while researching on my own, I stumbled upon the website of Dr. Elaine Aron, the clinical psychologist who introduced the concept of “highly sensitive people.” Throughout my childhood, I was often labeled as “sensitive,” and as I explored Dr. Aron’s work, I found a profound sense of clarity. My need for tranquility, my strong emotions, and my ability to empathize with others began to make sense. I wasn’t an anomaly; I was part of the 20% of the population with the “highly sensitive” trait.
Initially, it didn’t occur to me that my son could also be classified as highly sensitive. In many respects, he appears quite insensitive—sometimes self-absorbed and not notably introverted. However, as I reviewed the checklist of traits associated with highly sensitive children, I was astonished to find that he matched nearly every characteristic. His sensitivity to various stimuli, his keen intuition, and his perfectionism were all present.
Dr. Aron emphasizes that highly sensitive individuals are not abnormal; their traits are innate yet often misunderstood. This revelation made me reconsider how I viewed my son. Perhaps I had been too quick to label him as stubborn. While I recognized that his intensity stemmed from his giftedness, I wondered if I had perhaps lacked the patience to fully appreciate his sensitivity.
As he transitions into middle childhood, his emotional depth remains prominent. At bedtime, he often shares his worries about school, friendships, and even larger world issues. He is perceptive, absorbing subtleties about those around him and engaging deeply with his thoughts. Sometimes, he requires support to process these feelings.
I feel fortunate that he confides in me, viewing me as a trusted ally in navigating his emotional landscape. Even though I’ve had moments of frustration with my own impatience, I am reminded of the strong bond we share. Both of us are highly sensitive individuals, and our capacity to love deeply is a gift.
I hope that by gaining a better understanding of both his sensitivities and my own, I can provide more effective support as he continues to grow. I aim to view his sensitivities as strengths, assisting him in navigating challenging situations, and ultimately embracing him for the remarkable person he is.
If you’re interested in learning more about similar experiences, check out this insightful post on highly sensitive children. For those considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kits are a reliable option. And for further information on pregnancy, the NICHD is an invaluable resource.
Summary:
Parenting a highly sensitive child can be a challenging yet rewarding journey. Understanding their emotional intensity and needs can lead to a stronger bond between parent and child. Embracing these sensitivities as strengths rather than labels can enhance the parenting experience and foster a nurturing environment.
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