I like to think of myself as a decent mom. I shy away from the term “amazing” because, being human, I struggle to be fully engaged and upbeat for my child as often as I’d like. Nevertheless, while I see myself as a good mother, my partner is undeniably a far better parent.
My partner never resorts to the TV as a quick distraction; instead, he actively engages our child with toys and books.
He always prepares her a nutritious meal, rather than allowing her to snack solely on milk and applesauce.
He is meticulous about our daughter’s bedtime routine, reading multiple books and playing her favorite game with her until she feels ready to wind down.
When spending time with her, he gives his undivided attention, never reaching for his phone as a distraction.
He willingly walks to the park with her, tirelessly pushing her on the swing for as long as she desires.
He would never think of grabbing fast food for convenience. Instead, he returns home with a homemade meal that could nourish her, rather than the processed options I might have chosen.
He remains patient when our toddler insists on walking at her own pace, even if it means our outing takes twice as long.
My partner embodies the kind of parent I aspire to be—the one I envisioned during my pregnancy. He’s the parent I promise to emulate tomorrow.
Yet, here’s the reality: I am not that parent. I likely never will be. As the primary caregiver, I spend more hours with our child than he does. He gets the fun highlights, the evenings, and the weekends.
I face the daily grind of morning routines, filling hours until her nap, and preparing three meals. I deal with tantrums and chaotic playdates filled with whining and pushing.
This isn’t meant to downplay my partner’s contributions. Our daughter is incredibly fortunate to have a father like him—kind, patient, and everything I hoped he would be.
This is a reminder for me to avoid holding myself to impossible standards. I must not compare my experience with his, as we are in different situations. Even if our circumstances were similar, we are distinct individuals.
He possesses energy, motivation, and a strong moral compass. I often feel fatigued and, at times, struggle with my mental health. I hold myself to lower standards and sometimes let myself off the hook a bit too easily.
I am a good mom. He is a good dad. Together, we provide our daughter with everything she needs. Some aspects, like consistency and nurturing conversations, come from me. Others, like adventure and a strong set of values, come from him.
Our parenting styles don’t need to mirror each other. What works for me may not work for him. Instead of envying his dedication, I choose to be grateful that I get to raise our child alongside such an incredible person. I appreciate the moments she shares with her dad and will strive to cultivate a bit more patience each day.
And I’ll remind myself not to feel guilty when we curl up to watch another episode of her favorite show. Perfection isn’t the goal; sometimes, we all need a break.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family planning, check out our other blog post here. For those looking into at-home insemination options, Make A Mom offers a variety of reputable syringe kits. Also, a great resource for pregnancy and home insemination information is Mount Sinai.
In summary, parenting is not a competition. It’s about complementing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and together, we’re doing our best for our daughter.
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