As new parents, our time and money are precious commodities. We often find ourselves grappling with unrealistic expectations. Add in prep time, travel, and the mental gymnastics of worrying about our little one—possibly hungry and emotionally distressed with a babysitter who may have had one too many cocktails—and it’s no wonder date nights can feel like more stress than relaxation.
There’s the well-meaning advice from friends: “You two need to let loose, go on an adventure, enjoy a wild night out!” But let’s be real. My partner and I hardly ventured out before our baby turned one, and even then, we were hesitant. We finally decided to indulge in some elaborate date nights, hoping to recapture the fun of our pre-baby days.
These outings included everything I had longed for during sleepless nights: fancy dinners with linen napkins instead of mac and cheese, live music that didn’t involve nursery rhymes, and actual outfits—real pants or maybe even a dress that didn’t offer easy access for nursing. We even treated ourselves to a flashy downtown hotel stay once. Yet, each time, something felt off.
For starters, I found myself calculating the cost of every dish on the menu against baby essentials. That tuna tartare I was eyeing? Equivalent to two and a half packs of premium baby wipes. And let’s not forget babysitter fees. The loud music at concerts felt deafening, and the energetic backup dancers had me fighting off sleep rather than feeling invigorated.
During one event featuring a DJ I used to love, my mind wandered to mundane worries. Would my grocery coupons be valid at the nearby store? Would I get kicked out if I took a quick nap in the bar’s closet? (Spoiler: I didn’t.) But rather than enjoying myself, I felt pressured to drink more caffeine and cocktails, even though I hardly knew anyone who still drank Red Bull.
The mornings after these nights were filled with hangovers, lingering regrets about finances, and a nagging feeling that I had let down my child, my partner, and even my pre-baby self. Did I really age significantly within just a year?
After months of living in parent mode, it’s understandable that my tolerance for noise and drinks had diminished. The hyper-alertness that comes with parenting makes it hard to relax, especially in a bar setting. I realized that there are far more soothing ways to unwind without the baby, whether it’s a peaceful walk, a cozy movie night, or a casual visit to a local tiki bar. There’s absolutely no shame in taking a step back and allowing ourselves to breathe.
If you’re interested in more insights on parenting and finding balance, you can check out our other post here. For those considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable insemination syringe kits. And if you’re looking for comprehensive pregnancy information, the WHO provides excellent resources.
In short, elaborate date nights might not be the answer for everyone. Sometimes, a simpler approach is what we really need.
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