Dear Charlie,
I find myself missing you deeply. I miss the special bond we shared, just the two of us, filled with vibrant days of play. I remember the hours spent racing toy cars, splashing colors on paper, and dancing around the living room as our favorite songs played. Oh, those joyful moments of shaking our shakers and sharing stories before bedtime are etched in my heart.
I miss those drives to the store, where you’d fill the backseat with your singing and chatter. Now, it seems like I’m always asking you to “Be quiet! Your little brother needs to rest!” Gone are the days when you could run wild in the living room, laughing with abandon. The loud “Momeee!” that used to echo around the house is now a rarity, as I often find myself rushing to meet the needs of your brother, trying to get him to sleep once again.
Instead of laughter, I often find myself saying “Think of others! Hush!” I’m constantly shushing you, my firstborn, as I juggle your brother’s demands. Our quiet moments are fleeting, if they exist at all, and it breaks my heart to see you resorting to mischief, just to get my attention.
Every time I find one of your toys resting on my dresser after you’ve gone to bed, I’m reminded of how much I miss you. I’ve always felt a pang of longing when you sleep (even if I’m relieved you finally settled down), but now it’s different. It’s a deeper ache of “I didn’t get enough time with you today.” My heart feels heavy.
Now that you are a big brother, I find myself split between you and your sibling. Of course, I adore those precious moments with him too, cherishing his giggles and the way he looks at me with such love. Yet, I can’t help but yearn for the days when it was just you and me.
I miss being your go-to person for comfort when you’re sad or feeling unwell. I long to scoop you up, to sway gently together, feeling your small body relax in my arms as I breathe in your familiar scent. I miss being the one you always turned to for solace.
Most days, I feel stretched thin, trying to provide enough love and attention for both of you. My heart wishes to give you each my undivided attention, but the constant demands can be overwhelming. I imagine that many mothers with multiple children share this desire for a future where they can dedicate more time to each child. Until that day comes, I’m learning to embrace the unique moments we share, recognizing the change and growth in both of you.
For now, I’ll do my very best to share what I have between you two. I hope that in the future, as you both grow more independent from the baby and toddler stages, I’ll feel like I can truly be there for you both in the ways you deserve. Until then, know that I miss you dearly. I miss our time together. I miss the magic of “us.”
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In conclusion, the journey of parenting is filled with beautiful, bittersweet moments. Even as I navigate the challenges of sharing my love, my heart knows that both of you are my treasures, and I will always cherish the time we’ve had and the memories we continue to create.
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