Parenting
The Challenges of Parenting Books
By Emily Lawson
Updated: March 21, 2023
Originally Published: March 21, 2023
3:30 a.m.
A mother gently hums while wrapping her newborn in a swaddling blanket. “This feels too tight,” she wonders. The guide claims snug swaddling will soothe him, but instead, he kicks and cries, becoming more agitated. She rocks him, but his screams persist. She checks his needs: he’s fed, changed, and burped, yet still wails. Is something wrong? In a moment of panic, she unravels him, secures him in his car seat, and heads toward Urgent Care. Suddenly, the car falls silent. Is he breathing? Yes, he’s just asleep. Relieved, she turns back home, carefully parks, and hesitates to open the door. Instead, she reclines her seat, wipes away a tired tear, and drifts off.
8:30 a.m.
A mother tells her toddler it’s time to dress. “No! I no wanna get dressed!” “But it’s time to go, sweetheart.” “No! I no wanna go!” The guide suggests using cooperative language. “Come on, let’s get dressed. I’ll help you.” But her daughter collapses into a heap on the floor. “Do you want to wear the green shirt or the pink one?” “No!” “No!” isn’t an option, darling. “What do you want to wear?” “NO! NO! NO!” The baby starts crying from another room. In a swift motion, the mom pulls off the toddler’s pajamas and wrestles the pink shirt over her head. “No! I no want this shirt!” “You should have chosen. Want to pick your pants?” “No! I no want pants! No, no, no!” Seriously? thinks the mother. Choices, my foot.
3:30 p.m.
A mother picks up her son from kindergarten. He proudly shows her a painting he created. “Look at my picture, Mommy! Isn’t it cool?” The guide advises offering nonjudgmental feedback. “Oh, it’s so colorful!” she replies. “Yeah! It’s a dragon! Do you like it?” he asks earnestly. The guide emphasizes focusing on effort over results. “It seems like you worked really hard on that!” The boy’s enthusiasm dims. “Yeah, but do you like it, Mommy? I made it for you.” The guide warns that praise can hinder kids’ intrinsic motivation, yet observing his little face, she says, “Sweetie, I love it. I think it’s the coolest dragon ever.” He beams and hugs her tightly. Forget the book.
Ah, the parenting books. Eventually, every parent realizes that raising children is far more intricate than expected. In our search for guidance, we turn to these books, clinging to them like lifelines in a storm. We stack them on our nightstands, hoping their wisdom seeps in through osmosis. With each new title, we believe we’ve found the ultimate answer to parenting.
The challenge with these books is that much of the advice appears sound on paper. It’s logical, well-structured, and makes parenting seem straightforward. From behavioral strategies to discipline philosophies, authors excel at presenting parenting as a simple task… on paper.
In reality, parenting is an entirely different game. Children can be illogical, often behaving like wild and unpredictable beings. They aren’t simple; they are as diverse and intricate as adults, with their own unique needs and temperaments.
Over my 15 years of parenting three kids, I’ve come to realize that effective parenting is a deeply personal journey. Adopting a single book’s approach and applying it rigidly to your family can lead to frustration. What works for one child may utterly fail for another. A strategy that seems effective one day may become obsolete the next. A book that seems perfect for a friend’s family could be a poor fit for you. Many of these guides sound promising in theory but may not translate well into real-life situations.
Throughout my parenting journey, I have oscillated between adoration and disappointment with various books. My favorites are those that illustrate interactions between parents and children using comic strip scenarios. You know the ones where the child says, “Oh, I feel so calm now that you’re really listening!” or “Bedtime is now a magical experience because I feel safe and loved!” Hilarious! Unfortunately, reality is not scripted, at least not in my household.
Parenting is more of an art than a science, more organic than systematic, more improvisational than scripted. This doesn’t mean research and structured approaches lack value—they can be excellent tools. However, what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in the chaos of daily life. Trial and error are inevitable, as kids are in a constant state of change. Since humans are complex, raising them is equally intricate.
After years of reflecting on these books, I’ve come to a crucial conclusion: at some point, you must develop your own parenting philosophy, rooted in your values, beliefs, personality, and vision for your family. It might seem daunting, but it simply requires time and contemplation. Once you establish this framework, jot it down. Having a clear sense of your unique parenting philosophy is far more beneficial than any one-size-fits-all solution.
Another key aspect is truly understanding your children. Continually strive to learn about them—“Know your learner,” as a wise coach once said. Connect with your kids as individuals, and tailor your methods to their personalities while remaining true to your overarching parenting philosophy.
There’s nothing wrong with parenting based on guides, as long as it’s your interpretation and not someone else’s. Just remember to stay attuned to the reality of parenting, for it is through these real-life experiences that the joy, challenge, and beauty of raising children unfolds. For more insights, check out this excellent resource on home insemination.
Summary
Navigating parenting is a personal and often chaotic journey that cannot be neatly encapsulated in a book. While parenting guides offer tempting solutions, real-life experiences reveal that each child and family is unique. Developing your own parenting philosophy, understanding your children, and adapting methods to fit their individual needs are key to successful parenting. Embrace the unpredictability of raising humans, as that’s where the real magic happens. If you’re interested in home insemination options, consider checking out this reputable online retailer for their kits, and learn more about the process here.
Leave a Reply