Recently, I experienced a blissful phase in my marriage, reminiscent of the “newlywed” euphoria with my husband. We were in perfect harmony as parents, finishing each other’s thoughts and looking like the ideal couple on social media. But, like a flick of a switch, that harmony shattered. We found ourselves embroiled in a fierce argument, the kind that belongs in reality TV or dramatic soap operas—sans the wine-throwing, of course (we don’t waste good drinks).
The fight drained me. We exchanged words, I raised my voice (he flinched and almost walked out), and we hardly resolved anything. I felt like a failure—exhausted, angry, and cheated. Where was my Prince Charming? Why wasn’t my marriage as flawless as those I saw on Facebook, where couples gazed into each other’s eyes or hugged on the beach with dolphins leaping in the background?
That night, I reached out to a friend, unsure of what I expected. Honestly, not much. People around me seldom discussed marriage openly, not even my own family. Conversations about marital struggles seemed taboo. Sure, we joked about how our husbands could drive us nuts or how they forgot to do the dishes, but we never delved into the real struggles. Admitting to issues felt like admitting defeat. That’s how I felt as I navigated the ups and downs.
To my surprise, my friend listened intently as I recounted our argument. She asked thoughtful questions and empathized with my feelings. I felt bad unloading my issues onto her, convinced she viewed my marriage as a colossal failure. But then she revealed her own struggles, and I was taken aback. Her marriage wasn’t perfect either; she talked about the hard work it took to maintain their bond and acknowledged the rough patches they faced.
“I never knew,” I said, genuinely shocked. “I thought it was just us.”
“Nope, I think most couples have to put in the effort,” she replied.
It got me thinking: why do we only joke about marriage or brag about it? Many of us readily admit that parenting is challenging, but why not marriage? I felt relieved to learn that even strong marriages encounter difficulties and require hard work. I want to break the silence surrounding marriage. It’s essential to recognize that it can be tough. When you combine two individuals with finances, shared living spaces, children, careers, and family dynamics, conflicts are bound to arise. We need to confide in one another and stop pretending that everything is perfect because that façade only harms our relationships.
I grew up dreaming of the fairy tale—finding my Prince Charming, experiencing everlasting love, and having a picture-perfect wedding that would lead to a happily ever after. While I cherished that fantasy, it wasn’t grounded in reality. I’m ready to acknowledge that now. What nobody warned me about was the sheer amount of effort that marriage demands—an immense amount of hard work and dedication. Marriage isn’t for the faint-hearted or the easily discouraged. There are moments of intense joy and love, but there are also times of deep sorrow and frustration.
If only someone had prepared me for this reality! Yet, is it really possible to prepare for love? You find your prince, marry him, create a family, and suddenly realize that a beautiful dress marks just the beginning of a journey that won’t always be perfect. If our parents had been honest about the challenges of parenting and marriage, the human race might be extinct!
Now, I understand that marriage encompasses both the good and the bad. I’ve weathered the highs and lows and will continue to do so. But I’m no longer hesitant to share my marital experiences. It’s a work in progress, much like my writing, my parenting, and my efforts to embrace aging with grace. My relationship may not always make for a good social media post, but if you ask, I will share my truth because I’m done pretending. My marriage is hard, yet it is worth every struggle. I’m okay with that, and I’m okay with your marriage too—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to about marriage or any of life’s challenges that demand work and care—no judgment.
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In summary, marriage is a blend of joy and struggle, requiring dedication and open communication. We must embrace the reality of our relationships and support one another through the ups and downs.
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