Dear Mom,
Have you ever stopped to reflect on the messages you were sending us during those long summer afternoons in beautiful South Florida? As you sent us off to bed, you would head out to meet your friends for your daily ritual of afternoon drinks. The unspoken messages were as evident as the warm sunlight streaming through our windows: “The alcohol holds more significance for me than your dad, your siblings, or you. I prefer to spend my time with them rather than nurturing our relationships, listening to your dreams, or being there for you.”
I often imagined you turning back, bursting through my bedroom door, and saying, “Not today! Today, I want to hear about your life, your heart, and your struggles. I want to cheer you on, whether it’s at the driving range or during a movie night. Let’s go grab some pizza or ice cream, or just talk about what’s on your mind.”
I now understand that alcoholism is a complex issue, one that often stems from personal pain and evolves into a disease that can feel insurmountable. Yet, I also believe you needed to take that first step—to recognize that something in your life was more important than the next drink. You had the strength to confront your past and heal from its wounds, filling the void with love, dreams, and genuine connections rather than Scotch. By doing so, you could have shown us that even brokenness can lead to beauty and resilience.
I often find myself questioning why you never took that step. Why did you never admit you had a problem or seek help? I know Dad would have supported you without hesitation, eager to reclaim the life we once shared. And above all, I wish you had acknowledged the hurt you caused. I gave you every opportunity to express remorse, right up until your final moments. I’m still left wondering: Why didn’t you see how important you were? Why didn’t you recognize our worth?
Your Middle Child
P.S. It took time for me to understand and heal from the wounds of our past. I still have my own journey ahead, learning about empathy and vulnerability. But I believe you would be proud of the person I’ve become—at least, I hope so.
The truth is, parenting is an imperfect journey for all of us. While we may long for a “do-over,” the real solution lies in “doing now.” For you, “doing now” means having the courage to reflect on how your choices affect your children. For me, it’s about finding the strength to forgive and turn past pain into a source of positive transformation for myself and those who depend on me.
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In summary, this letter serves as a heartfelt reminder of the complexities of our relationships, the importance of acknowledging our struggles, and the power of forgiveness and healing.
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