March 15, 2023
Navigating the topic of marital separation can be tricky, especially when discussing it openly with friends and family. I’m no stranger to this; I’ve shared my own experiences before, and the responses often flooded in. Many messages suggested that my marriage faltered due to a lack of effort or that I simply refused to change, forgive, or do whatever it took to keep my kids from experiencing the pain of their parents living apart.
When framed that way, it might seem like I’m to blame. But oh, how I cherish those sympathetic looks and the awkwardness that follows! I relish the moments when my son calls for his dad late at night, or when my ex-husband can’t wait to hear the boys tell him he doesn’t do it like Mom. I embrace the chaos of juggling schedules and being the sole caretaker who’s there to patch up a scraped knee on my adventurous 5-year-old.
Yet, the truth is, this whole situation is undeniably sad and filled with unexpected twists—much like the beautiful day we tied the knot with a rainbow as our backdrop. Everyone remarked on that rainbow, claiming it was a sign of good fortune. Now, as the moving truck departs and our children adapt to their new reality, I can’t help but think that perhaps they were right.
I’ve always been someone who prefers routine, feeling uncomfortable in the face of change. After countless heated arguments and dramatic scenes, my ex and I decided to seek counseling. Initially, it helped us communicate better, with phrases like “How does that make you feel?” becoming commonplace. However, over time, the patience wore thin. We both evolved—but not necessarily in ways that kept us together. Change, which once terrified me, became my ally.
Over the years, I’ve learned that change is an integral part of life. As we grow older, changes come barreling into our lives, and while it can be daunting, it also has the potential to be a gift. Surprisingly, our children adapted to these changes with incredible resilience—something I once thought would be impossible. They no longer endure the tension of parents arguing into the night; instead, they finally receive the attention they truly deserve.
My boys still beam with joy, a testament to the love that will always remain between their father and me. They resemble him in looks and laughter, and they’ve inherited his stubborn spirit. It’s beautiful.
Living authentically in the wake of our separation has been liberating. Whether it was me or my ex who first expressed dissatisfaction doesn’t matter anymore. The hurt we caused each other is now behind us. I’ve realized I wouldn’t be true to myself if I stayed with someone who didn’t want to be there.
As we navigate this new chapter, we may still unintentionally hurt one another, but the sting is fleeting. We’ve learned to see each other more clearly now. The battles have calmed, and we’ve decided to work together on this fresh journey—a journey that seeks to provide our boys with a life rich in adventure, love, and the occasional unexpected twist.
I hope this piece serves to comfort anyone who feels lost in their own separation. There is happiness to be found amid the sadness, the kind that sometimes feels undeserved when you have kids and a heart that longs for what was. If you’re interested, you can read more on this topic in one of our other blog posts here. And if you’re looking for tools for at-home insemination, check out this website for reliable kits. For those exploring pregnancy options, this resource is excellent for guidance on fertility.
In summary, separation doesn’t always have to be sad. It can lead to personal growth, healing, and a more authentic life.
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