You’re standing at the altar, surrounded by friends and family on your big day. As you prepare to recite your vows, you’re so focused on not messing up that the words themselves become a blur. And truth be told, the guests are probably more interested in the hors d’oeuvres than the promises being made.
But let’s be real—how much attention do those traditional vows really command? They’re often generic and repetitive, making it easy for people to zone out. “To have and to hold, for better or worse” sounds nice, but it doesn’t quite capture the reality of married life. What if couples exchanged vows that were a bit more realistic and reflective of the everyday ups and downs of marriage?
- I vow to love you through every stretch mark, varicose vein, and stray hair, and I won’t comment on that inevitable weight gain.
- I promise to find you irresistibly attractive, even if you start losing your hair.
- I vow to always keep the bathroom door closed while I take care of business.
- I will try to limit my complaints about your family, unless they really cross the line.
- I promise to tone down my backseat driving tendencies, or at least make an effort.
- I will always let you know if there’s something stuck in your teeth.
- I vow not to feel jealous… unless you’re flirting, because let’s be honest, that’s a different story.
- I promise to share household chores equally—even the gross ones like pulling hair out of the drain.
- I vow to not complain when you splurge, even if I end up doing the same.
- I promise never to deceive you, except when you ask, “Do I look old?”
- I vow to share the blankets and not hog them all.
- I will recognize that we both will change over the years and I’ll do my best to adapt.
- I promise to share control of the remote, even when your taste in shows is questionable.
- I vow to keep my body hair and toenails in check, so I don’t poke or hurt you.
- I promise not to leave hair clippings all over the house.
- I won’t bring home any new pets without a thorough discussion first.
- I vow to be mindful of your needs, especially when chocolate is not just a craving but a necessity.
- I promise never to leave you without toilet paper when you need it.
- I will initiate date nights, where we agree not to talk about the kids, but probably will anyway.
- I vow to let you know if you’re making a fashion faux pas, like wearing a fanny pack.
- I promise to tolerate your occasional bad mood, as long as you don’t turn into a jerk most of the time.
- I will support your parenting choices, even if I secretly let the kids do what you said not to.
- I vow to excuse myself if you have particularly potent gas.
- I promise never to leave toast crumbs in the butter or jam.
- I vow to erase the memory of any time I’ve seen you throw up, give birth, or do something equally unflattering.
- I promise not to overlook an overflowing trash can.
- I vow to not nag… too much.
- I promise to do little things to brighten your day.
- I will cherish who you were while loving who you are today.
- I promise to keep our focus on the good times, even during the challenging moments.
Traditional wedding vows can feel lacking. What does “to have and to hold” really mean, anyway? While they may paint an idealistic picture, more candid vows could better prepare couples for the realities of marriage—an ongoing journey filled with laughter, challenges, and yes, even the occasional snoring and gas. It’s a beautiful and exhausting experience, much more intricate than “to love and to cherish” can ever convey.
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In summary, let’s embrace the notion that wedding vows can be more than just poetic phrases; they can be a genuine reflection of the commitment and humor that life together truly entails.
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