Just the other day, a friend shared her dismay over a comment she found on a mutual acquaintance’s social media page. The words in the forwarded message struck me hard: “Hey, sorry your kid is retarded, but God works in mysterious ways. 🙂 Enjoy.” My heart sank as I recalled my own painful introduction to this term.
I remember a boy named Sam, standing alone on the playground, bombarded by a group of kids who were throwing rocks and dirt at him. The chant “Retard, Retard” rang out, echoing around the yard. I was only six back then, so I didn’t grasp the gravity of what was happening. I went home, repeating the jarring phrase, “Retard, Retard. Sam is a retard.” My loving mother, usually gentle and kind, quickly turned to me, her face filled with anger. “What did you just say?” she snapped.
I didn’t understand why she was upset. “Retard. There was a retard on the playground,” I replied innocently.
“Don’t use that word. It’s a very hurtful term,” she said, crouching to meet my gaze. I felt ashamed under her stern look. “He’s a person with a name. It’s Sam.”
My mother’s words returned to me as I envisioned my friend’s son, Oliver, in a similar plight. His messy brown hair and bright green eyes filled with tears while a group of kids tormented him for being different. Is that the future we want for him?
Oliver is only five years old and has autism, but he is so much more than a diagnosis. He is passionate about dinosaurs, an incredible Lego architect, and has a knack for numbers that could lead him to become a great engineer. He shows compassion, asking his mom what’s wrong when she’s feeling down, and comforting her with sweet words of love.
His name is Oliver.
Some who use the R-word might argue for “free speech,” questioning, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a word. Don’t be so sensitive. It was meant to be funny.” But there is nothing amusing about a child on a playground, isolated and ridiculed, standing alone in a circle of spectators like a caged animal. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially not a child, and certainly not by an adult who should know better.
I refuse to let Oliver or any other child suffer for their differences. While I didn’t help Sam back then, I can take action now. We can all make a choice to be kinder with our words. We can refuse to be bystanders.
Join the Movement
There’s an initiative called “R-Word: Spread the Word to End the Word,” which aims to eradicate the use of the R-word for several crucial reasons:
- The R-word ISOLATES individuals with cognitive differences, creating the false notion that they don’t belong among the rest of society. This is simply absurd.
- The R-word DEHUMANIZES those with cognitive disabilities, making it easier to bully someone who lacks the dignity of a name. Cruelty thrives in anonymity.
- The R-word HURTS individuals with cognitive differences by suggesting that anyone with an intellectual or developmental disability is worthless, which is utterly ridiculous. So why even use it?
Visitors to the R-word site can take a stand by making a pledge: “I pledge to eliminate the derogatory use of the R-word from everyday speech and promote acceptance and inclusion for those with intellectual disabilities.” My choice is clear. I stand with Oliver and Sam. I made this pledge the moment I finished writing this piece. What will you choose?
March 2 is recognized as Spread the Word to End the Word day. For more information and to pledge, visit this important resource. Also, if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, check out this reputable provider.
In summary, it’s vital to be mindful of the words we use and the impact they have on others, especially children like Oliver. We can all strive for a more inclusive society by choosing our words carefully and standing against bullying.
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