6 Things You Should Avoid Saying to Someone Struggling with Anxiety and How to Support Them

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Anxiety can be a shadow that looms over many individuals, often appearing without warning. I’ve battled anxiety and panic attacks since childhood, grappling with fears that seemed irrational yet felt overwhelmingly real. As a kid, I was an obedient student, but the dread of being wrongly accused haunted me. Fast forward to my teenage years, when phobias took shape—fear of flying and crowded spaces, alongside the looming specter of violence.

Through the years, I sought help through cognitive behavioral therapy, exercise, and mindfulness practices. While some fears have lessened, new anxieties emerged, especially after becoming a parent. The pressures of motherhood sometimes trigger anxiety attacks, particularly when facing the challenges of daily life, finances, or even my own mental health.

Anxiety can be hereditary, and while my upbringing may have played a role, I often feel that my brain is wired for anxiety—intense, perfectionistic, and at times, paralyzing. Externally, I may seem calm and successful, but internally, I navigate a storm of fear that can strike at any moment.

One of the most challenging aspects of living with anxiety is its invisibility. Those who don’t experience it may not grasp the depth of the struggle, often leading to misunderstandings. Here are six things to avoid saying to someone with anxiety, along with better ways to offer your support:

1. “You don’t seem anxious.”
   Many anxiety sufferers appear composed on the outside. If someone opens up about their struggles, it’s crucial to acknowledge their feelings rather than downplay them.
2. “That’s not something to be afraid of.”
   While some anxieties may seem exaggerated, they often stem from real concerns. Reiterating their irrationality doesn’t help; it can deepen their distress.
3. “This method will solve your problems.”
   There’s no universal solution for anxiety. What works for one person may not work for another. Encourage exploration of different therapies or approaches without prescribing one specific method.
4. “Just get over it.”
   If it were that easy, no one would suffer from anxiety. Recovery is a journey, often requiring time and patience for the body to process intense emotions.
5. “I understand; I worry too.”
   There’s a significant difference between everyday worries and the consuming nature of anxiety attacks. It’s essential to recognize the severity of their experience.
6. “You have so much to be thankful for.”
   While gratitude is important, it’s not a cure for anxiety. Reminding someone of their blessings can inadvertently increase feelings of guilt, making their struggles feel less valid.

If you know someone dealing with anxiety, the best approach is simple: listen and show love. Listen without judgment; offer a safe space for them to express their fears. Sometimes a supportive touch, like a hand on their shoulder (with permission), can provide comfort.

For those experiencing anxiety, it’s crucial to find people who truly listen. If someone adds to your anxiety or makes you feel guilty, it’s okay to distance yourself. You deserve environments that nurture your well-being. Overcoming anxiety is possible, whether through therapy, exercise, meditation, or other methods—find what works best for you. Remember, you are worthy of care and support, and you are not alone in this journey. If you want to learn more about coping mechanisms, check out this post for additional insights.

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Summary:

Understanding and supporting someone with anxiety requires sensitivity and awareness. Avoid minimizing their feelings or oversimplifying solutions. Instead, focus on being present and providing a comforting space. Remember, your support can make a significant difference.