This is the reality of postpartum depression: Emily Harper
And this: Emily Harper
And this: Emily Harper
Postpartum anxiety and depression often don’t appear as you might expect, especially when viewed through the lens of a perfectly curated Instagram post. Surprised? I certainly was.
I had a beautiful birthing experience, but it wasn’t long before I felt overwhelmed. From the moment our adorable son entered the world, he cried incessantly—so much so that after just four hours, I made the decision to send him to the nursery for a bit of rest. I had been awake for nearly 24 hours, and the mom guilt hit hard.
Within a week, we were faced with sleepless nights, endless frustration, unexpected weight loss, and countless tears. We discovered that our little one was unable to latch properly, which meant I had to begin exclusively pumping for him to eat. Those first few weeks became a blur of exhaustion and emotional turmoil as I juggled waking him every two hours to feed while trying to fit in pumping sessions and desperately seeking moments of rest—it was a fog of tension and fatigue. The idea that I couldn’t breastfeed in the traditional way was a blow I had never anticipated, and I had to mourn that loss.
Just two weeks post-delivery, I took an online screening for postpartum depression and failed it miserably. I assumed that everyone faced challenges during those initial weeks. I remember crying almost daily until he was three weeks old. I was uncertain of what was normal, but I knew I didn’t feel like myself. The fear I experienced was unlike anything I had felt before, and a long-buried tendency toward panic attacks resurfaced with ferocity. I felt fragile, as if I could break at any moment.
It was incredibly tough. I’ve tackled many “hard things” in my life: speaking to large audiences, mentoring at-risk youth, intervening in conflicts in high-stress environments, and engaging in outreach work with vulnerable women in risky situations. But parenting? It was the most challenging experience I’ve ever faced—by far.
People often asked me the wrong questions—“Aren’t you just loving every minute?” and “Isn’t it the best?”—which only added to my guilt. I loved my son deeply, but I was still navigating this new version of myself and learning to connect with him. He was a beautiful little stranger, and we were on a journey of discovery together. It seemed like all my friends with newborns were effortlessly glowing and handling everything with grace, leaving me feeling isolated and even more guilty.
During my six-week checkup, I noticed there was no screening for postpartum depression. My midwife brushed off my concerns, and I found it difficult to get help. I reached out to several counselors, but none accepted my insurance, which left me disheartened and ready to give up. Though I spoke with my husband about my feelings and he was supportive, I didn’t confide in anyone else—not even my mom or my closest friend, who I talked to daily. The guilt was suffocating. I believed the myth that postpartum depression and anxiety indicated I was a bad mother, that it meant I didn’t love my baby enough. I viewed my struggles as a personal failure that couldn’t happen to “good moms.”
Finally, around four months postpartum, I found a counselor. It was one of the best decisions I made. I opened up to those closest to me about my struggles and was met with nothing but kindness and support. I adjusted my work schedule to allow for more time at home, helping me balance the “old me” with the “new me.” This change was incredibly beneficial. I also began connecting with other new moms, which was refreshing. Spending time with others who were experiencing similar challenges was uplifting. Plus, I decided to start medication, which turned out to be the right choice for me. It took almost six months for the fog to begin clearing, but now, I can genuinely say I love being a parent. I’m filled with happiness and feel equipped to handle the challenges of this new chapter in life.
If you find yourself in a similar place, remember: you are not alone. Parenting is undeniably tough, but you are a wonderful mother doing an admirable job. It does get easier. You’ll find your rhythm, and your baby will stop crying for no reason. It truly becomes enjoyable—you’ll reconnect with yourself, enjoy date nights, and yes, even sleep again. You are not alone.
Moms experiencing postpartum anxiety and depression are incredible mothers who love fiercely, feel deeply, and maybe just overthink things a bit. They are heroes for getting out of bed every day. So if you relate to this, don’t hesitate to seek help. If you wouldn’t ignore a broken leg, thinking it was a weakness, don’t ignore your mental health. Postpartum mood disorders are real illnesses that require treatment, just like any physical ailment.
You are going to be okay. You are loved. And you are a fantastic mom.
For additional insights, check out this post on postpartum progress. If you’re interested in home insemination options, you might want to visit Make A Mom, a reliable source for at-home insemination syringe kits. For those seeking more information on pregnancy and home insemination, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources.
In Summary:
Postpartum depression and anxiety can be isolating experiences, but they are common struggles that many new mothers face. Seeking support and understanding is crucial to overcoming these challenges. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with time and help, it does get better.
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