During my two-week stay in antepartum care, I found myself immersed in every list I could find on parenting preemies and navigating the NICU. Each journey through the NICU is unique, and no single list can encapsulate every experience. The realities faced by a mother of a micro-preemie can vastly differ from those of a full-term baby or one with severe health issues, regardless of gestational age. Here’s what I learned from my perspective as a mother of a 31-week feeder and grower:
1. Leverage Available Resources
Don’t hesitate to ask for resources that can help you from the start. This way, you can identify areas where you might need additional support. Keep a notebook handy to collect business cards from therapists and case managers, and jot down notes to stay organized. Also, inquire about financial assistance options; I didn’t think we’d qualify for charity care and ended up spending over a thousand dollars before applying—and they don’t provide retroactive coverage.
2. NICUs Vary Widely
Interestingly, my son wasn’t even in a traditional NICU. He started in the Intensive Care Nursery (ICN) and then moved to the Special Care Nursery (SCN). Some facilities offer sleeping accommodations for parents, while others have varying levels of privacy and comfort. The visitor policies differ, as do the gowning requirements. As soon as you begin this journey, gather as much information as possible and note down any questions that arise.
3. Boredom Can Be a Blessing
The pace in the NICU can ebb and flow. Some days, you may feel like time stretches on forever, while others are more chaotic. If there’s ever a time you wish for boredom, it’s here. Embrace it! Depending on hospital rules, you might be able to read, scroll through your phone, or sneak in a much-needed nap.
4. Mistakes Are Inevitable
When you accidentally detach a lead and alarms start ringing, you might feel like the worst NICU parent. By the time it happens for the umpteenth time, you’ll just fix it and move on. No harm done.
5. Feeling Out of Place is Common
The NICU can feel like a foreign land, where everyone else seems to know the ins and outs. Remember that many of the parents around you have been just as lost as you feel now. If your baby is thriving, you may feel undeserving of the “preemie” label, especially when other babies are facing dire situations. My personal mantra became: “This is not a competition.”
6. Things Can Change Quickly
Time often feels stagnant, yet milestones can happen in rapid succession. One moment, you’re discussing clothing options, and the next, your baby is sporting an outfit. I hurriedly washed all his preemie clothes, forgetting to let them dry completely—oops!
7. Nurse Praise Can Lift Your Spirits
Even seasoned moms can feel helpless. You’ll likely become attached to the nurses who care for your baby. When they acknowledge your efforts, it can feel like a breath of fresh air. Their compliments are vital reminders that you are indeed your baby’s mother, providing you with much-needed encouragement.
8. Inconsiderate Comments Will Happen
People don’t intend to be insensitive, but they often lack understanding. I still recall someone saying, “At least you got a couple more months with him!” I wanted to scream. They mean well, but that doesn’t make the comment any easier to hear.
9. Physical Pain is Real
Whether you’ve had a C-section or a natural delivery, you’re likely in pain. Sitting for hours in uncomfortable chairs can be excruciating. Don’t hesitate to ask the nurses for help with tasks like standing up.
10. You Might Do the Opposite of What You Thought
If you ever thought you’d never leave your baby alone in the hospital, circumstances might force you to reconsider. With a young child at home, I had to balance responsibilities like maternity leave discussions and insurance claims. Sometimes, I had to choose between being there and taking care of myself.
My son Rowan spent five and a half weeks in the NICU and is now thriving at 10 months old. I’m still compiling my survival guide, which feels like the essence of parenthood. We’re all figuring it out as we go—some just start with a few more chapters. I, for one, can’t wait to read the rest of this incredible journey. For more insights, check out this post on navigating the NICU. If you’re considering home insemination, reputable retailers like Make A Mom offer great options. Additionally, for further support on female infertility, Drugs.com is an excellent resource.
Summary:
Navigating the NICU can be overwhelming and filled with unexpected challenges. From leveraging available resources to coping with feelings of inadequacy, every journey is unique. Whether you find yourself bored or making mistakes, remember that you are not alone. Cherish the small victories, rely on your support system, and know that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.
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