Let’s face it, being a parent often means playing second fiddle. My son seems to prefer my partner, Lily, over me. Yep, he’s definitely a mama’s boy. I get it; it’s totally normal for little ones to have a strong bond with their mothers. After spending almost a year in her womb and then relying on her for nourishment, who wouldn’t feel a little attached? He’s still under two, so I’m not too worried about him turning into a miniature Norman Bates—at least not yet.
Understanding his preference for Mom doesn’t make it sting any less when I see him reach for her instead of me. It can be a real blow to the ego, for sure.
But here’s the silver lining: parenting is a team effort. Kids need (or at least thrive with) both parents involved. When you’re tackling the chaos that comes with raising a toddler, having a partner to share the load is invaluable. We’ve developed a routine where we switch off responsibilities. One morning, I’ll be the one dealing with a sobbing toddler, even if he’s crying for Mommy (which, let’s be honest, happens daily). The next, it’s Lily’s turn to take over, even if he gives me a half-hearted “Daddy” as a concession. We take turns changing diapers, bathing him, and managing bedtime. It’s all a part of the rotation.
However, as he grows and starts to communicate better, he sometimes makes it clear that only one of us is allowed to brush his teeth, and guess who that usually is? You guessed it—Mom. So when it’s my turn, and he pulls away from me with a scream, let’s just say it’s not the highlight of my day. It’s a tough pill to swallow.
Yet, there’s a bright side to this scenario. What’s the best feeling in the world? Cracking open a cold beer while the baby is blissfully occupied with his mother. So if Lily is the one leading the bedtime saga, that just means I get a little break. Oh, Dad isn’t good enough for you? That’s okay; I’ll just relax and catch a game while Mommy handles the tooth brushing, story reading, and tucking in. Maybe I’ll even grab a second beer to wash down my bruised pride. Sure, I love my son and am a devoted dad, and I’d like some acknowledgment for my efforts. But honestly? Who has time for pride?
You might think that my lounging while Lily plays the superstar parent would annoy her, and it sometimes does. Yet, we both know this phase won’t last forever. There will come a time when only Dad will be the one who can carry him to bed, soothe him with a story, and help him settle down for the night. At that point, Lily can pour herself a glass of wine and enjoy a rare moment of peace, staring blankly at the wall like a woman who hasn’t had a quiet moment to herself in ages.
For now, we both manage our respective roles with a healthy dose of humor. I might feel a touch slighted by his occasional rejection, but I also get to enjoy a few moments of calm. Meanwhile, Lily gets to soak up those extra cuddles, even as they occasionally morph into an overly clingy little one. And as we navigate through these ups and downs of parenthood together, we’re reminded that if we can just hang on for another decade or so, our little guy will eventually learn to love us both equally—if not at all.
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In summary, being the not-so-favorite parent can be tough, but it’s also an opportunity to take a breather and appreciate the team dynamic of parenting. We’re in this together, and we know that these phases are just that—phases.
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