A decade ago, I discovered I was expecting my first child, and what a journey it has been! The past ten years have been filled with a rollercoaster of experiences—highs and lows, challenges and joys, and unexpected revelations. If I paid attention to the myriad of “parenting experts,” I would assume I’ve made a million blunders along the way.
As a new mom, the errors I made felt overwhelmingly significant. For instance, I faced intense guilt for not sticking with breastfeeding. I absolutely support breastfeeding and the right for mothers to choose how and when to do it. Many women find it a fulfilling experience that enhances their connection with their child, but my reality was different. After six exhausting weeks, I found myself resenting the process, and it worsened my postpartum depression, complicating my ability to bond with my baby.
Choosing to stop breastfeeding was not an easy decision and came with a wave of shame. Society often tells us moms to prioritize our children’s needs above our own, promoting the notion that “breast is best.” While this is true for many, it wasn’t the best choice for me and my son. It took time, but when my second child arrived three years later, I confidently decided against breastfeeding altogether.
I have immense respect for those who successfully breastfeed, but as Amy Poehler said, “Good for you! Not for me.” I broke several other “rules” in my early days as a mother too. Acknowledging my own need for rest, I sleep trained my son when he was just a few months old, ensuring he adhered to a strict nap schedule. I would often rush home to avoid the dreaded five-minute car ride nap, aiming instead for a solid two-hour crib nap.
While I took hundreds of photos during my first son’s year, capturing every moment, I found myself distracted by the process. Though it might seem counterproductive to mindful parenting, those photos served as a lifeline, keeping me from falling too deep into postpartum darkness while I worked on my recovery.
Now that the baby years are behind me, my so-called “mistakes” have evolved. I sometimes let slip a curse word in front of my kids, teaching them that there’s a time and place for everything, including swearing. My 9-year-old still cuddles with his blankie and sucks his thumb, and I reason that the orthodontic bills down the road are a small price for a peaceful night’s sleep. I also find myself taking fewer photos these days, worrying that I’m not capturing enough memories. However, I remind myself that I’m present in those moments, cherishing everyday experiences in my own way.
Perhaps the biggest “crime” in the eyes of many parenting experts is that I raise my voice. I yell when my kids bicker, when they dawdle getting ready, or when they can’t seem to stop yelling themselves. I’m aware that yelling isn’t the ideal response and that there are better ways to handle such situations. I don’t need to search far to find parenting experts ready to make me feel guilty about it. But you know what? I’m done feeling guilty. Yes, I raise my voice, but I also apologize and communicate with my children about it, teaching them that parents have feelings too.
These days, it feels like everyone has an opinion on the “right” way to raise kids. We’re inundated with conflicting advice from doctors, psychologists, bloggers, and fellow parents, each reminding us of our supposed mistakes. The challenge with all this advice is that it can make us feel judged, and it’s easy to succumb to guilt and regret. What one parent sees as a mistake, another may view as a triumph. After all, there are countless ways to love and nurture our children.
Over these ten years, I’ve undoubtedly made more than my fair share of what some may label as mistakes. We all have, right? And I’m sure I’ll continue to make mistakes as long as I’m a parent. But perhaps regret doesn’t need to be among them. Maybe these so-called mistakes are simply part of the parenting journey, opportunities to learn, trust ourselves, and embrace the chaotic beauty of it all.
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In summary, parenting is a journey filled with moments of joy and challenges. Embracing our “mistakes” can lead to growth and deeper connections with our children, fostering resilience and understanding in the process.
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