Life is full of predictable moments. You can almost guarantee that if you wash your car or straighten your hair, it will rain. Or that a quick Google search about your latest headache will lead you to a myriad of terrifying ailments. And when someone shares a post about their wedding anniversary—be it a heartfelt card or a simple social media shout-out—it’s almost a certainty that “best friend” will pop up somewhere in the message. Phrases like, “I married my best friend,” or “I’m so grateful to wake up next to my best friend” are commonplace.
But I have to admit, I don’t say that. Because my partner is not my best friend.
Declaring him my best friend feels like calling a hurricane a gentle breeze while the storm rages on. It’s a gross understatement. No catchy phrase could ever capture the depth of our connection, and certainly, no simple label could encompass the complexities of our relationship.
Before you roll your eyes or feel a wave of nausea, let me clarify: this isn’t about being in some extraordinary partnership or a fairy-tale romance. My spouse and I are a typical couple who have been together for years. We argue over trivial matters and significant issues alike, often because one of us (definitely not me) is being stubborn. We clash over the big things and the little things, we get caught up in the chaos of life, and sometimes it dawns on us that it’s been far too long since our last date night. And yes, he knows just how to get under my skin better than anyone else—whether it’s his impeccable timing for bathroom breaks or his uncanny ability to know exactly what buttons to push.
But therein lies the beauty of our bond. It’s not that he knows how to frustrate me; it’s that he understands me on a level that no one else does. Sure, my best friend might know that I’m terrified of zombies, but my husband knows the backstory—like how my siblings let me watch a horror film when I was just five years old (thanks, guys).
My best friend might be aware that I can’t stand fish or that tequila gives me a nasty hangover, but my husband knows my social security number, which medications make me swell up like a balloon, and even the story behind my old, tattered stuffed bear that still resides in our bedroom. He’s tuned into my reactions, my deepest loves, and the fears that haunt me. He can sense my unspoken thoughts and understand the emotions I struggle to articulate.
I cherish my friendships. They are significant and contribute greatly to my happiness. We’ve shared laughter, adventures, and unforgettable moments. But as much as I value my friends, they aren’t the ones I lean on during life’s storms. They don’t witness the heart-wrenching moments when everything feels out of control, nor do they fight alongside me to mend what’s broken. While friends may offer advice, they lack the emotional stakes that come with a shared life. When I look at my friends, I feel gratitude, but it doesn’t tug at my heartstrings in the same way.
Friendships require effort, of course, but they don’t demand the same level of commitment as a marriage. Friendships can be relatively simple; marriages are anything but. They necessitate work, sacrifice, and persistence. It’s about navigating through the chaos together, rowing against the current when it feels like everything is capsizing. This commitment deserves a more profound title than just “friend.” You can add “best” in front of it, but it doesn’t even come close to the layered, complicated, and beautifully messy love I share with the person I chose to marry. The term “soulmates” doesn’t suffice either, as it implies an effortless bond that is devoid of the everyday struggles we’ve faced together.
So for now, I’ll simply choose a funny anniversary card for my husband. His laughter will spark my own, and we’ll share one of those moments that define us: a bond that surpasses mere friendship.
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Summary
In a world where many tout their spouses as their best friends, I challenge that notion. My partner is not just a friend; our relationship is marked by a deeper understanding, shared struggles, and a commitment that transcends casual friendships. While friendships are vital, they pale in comparison to the work and dedication that a marriage demands.
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