Is there truly anything more alluring than a partner tackling the dishes?
“I can’t believe my husband took care of the kids while I did the grocery shopping. Guess I owe him a little something in return!”
“My partner vacuumed today, and wow, that’s a turn-on!”
Wait, what? Why are so many women expressing these sentiments? It seems like everywhere I look, there are articles and funny clips suggesting that a husband doing his part around the house automatically earns him sexual favors. Honestly, I’m baffled.
When I see my partner doing the dishes, I feel…nothing. Absolutely nada. This is what we should expect from a person sharing a home with us—doing their share of the work. We shouldn’t be expected to feel anything more than mild disinterest. It should be a simple acknowledgment: “Oh, look, a grown man doing chores like he ought to. Cool, let’s continue our day,” not “OMG, he did the dishes! Quick, let’s celebrate with fireworks!”
Just to clarify, my husband has left his dirty dishes in the sink for who-knows-how-long, waiting for a mythical Dish Fairy to swoop in and take care of it. I know he doesn’t truly believe that I’m his maid. That would be absurd, right?
I could have easily spent five minutes tossing everything into the dishwasher and hand-washing the fragile items, but instead, I shot him a text declaring I wasn’t going to clean up after him. I know, empowerment at its finest, or perhaps I’m just being petty. Either way, the crux of the matter is that this isn’t about sex.
Okay, maybe there’s a slight connection. Seeing those unwashed dishes did make me less inclined to want to be intimate with him. So, I understand why many in society might equate a husband’s participation in household tasks with sexual desirability. But we’re getting it all wrong.
There’s a concept called “necessary and sufficient conditions” that describes this perfectly. When men started helping around the house, it seems women became so relieved at the shared responsibility that we inadvertently decided to reward our partners with intimacy. Over time, we’ve mistakenly come to see a husband’s contribution to chores as a ticket for sex:
- Husband does his part = Husband gets laid
- Husband doesn’t do his part = Husband might still get laid
This is a flawed viewpoint. Housework is definitely a necessary but not sufficient condition:
- Husband does his part = He might get laid, but probably for reasons unrelated to chores
- Husband doesn’t do his part = Wife’s interest in intimacy disappears
Even if my husband had tackled the dishes, it wouldn’t have made me want to jump into bed with him. Dishes simply don’t do it for me.
Now, if someone were to argue, “What about when he goes the extra mile? What if he does even more, like sweeping the floor or cooking dinner? Doesn’t he deserve a reward then?” The answer is still no. Sorry, but none of that would make me feel frisky.
To me, housework doesn’t lead to intimacy; rather, neglecting it can lead to a complete disinterest in it. When it comes to intimacy, housework is not enough to ignite passion.
If I were a man, I’d find the idea of sex as a reward for chores quite offensive. It implies that I require sexual motivation to perform basic human responsibilities. I would think, “Am I just a trained monkey waiting for a treat? I’m worth more than that.” I would hope that my partner desires me for reasons beyond housework, like rescuing a kitten from a tree or just plain love. Sure, I’d do my fair share of household chores, but I’d want intimacy to be just that—intimacy. No additional cleaning required.
If you’re interested in exploring more about this topic, feel free to check out this other post on our blog. Additionally, if you’re considering at-home insemination options, you might want to visit a reputable retailer like Make a Mom for their at-home insemination syringe kits. For an insightful resource on the IVF process, Parents.com offers fantastic information that can guide your journey.
Summary
The notion that a partner’s participation in household chores should result in sexual rewards is a flawed perspective. While sharing responsibilities is essential, it should not be viewed as a prerequisite for intimacy. True desire should stem from emotional connections rather than chore completion.
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