The other evening, I overheard a man say, “We are pregnant,” and I felt a rush of heat coursing through my veins. My cheeks turned flush, and a wave of frustration washed over me. It reminded me of all those times I heard “we” and “our” during my own pregnancy. For me, there was no “we” in this journey—only me and my experience.
I absolutely respect those women who genuinely feel that their partner shares in the experience of pregnancy, celebrating it as a collective journey. Honestly, I might even be a bit envious. I wish I could hear “we” without feeling a surge of irritation, especially since I’m sure my cortisol levels skyrocketed every time I did. But the truth is, I couldn’t shake my feelings.
Let’s be real—would a woman ever say to her friends, “We are getting a vasectomy” when her partner is going in for the procedure? Absolutely not. He is getting the vasectomy; they are not having any more children.
This all started one dinner when my husband, Mark, shared with his coworkers that “we are pregnant.” At that time, my clothes were fitting uncomfortably (not in that cute pregnancy way but more in the “I can’t believe I’m wearing these” way), my socks were cutting into my swollen feet, and I was making pit stops just to vomit. To top it off, I was developing cellulite at a pace I couldn’t comprehend.
As I sat there eating my trusty Velveeta macaroni and cheese (a staple during my pregnancy), I calmly told Mark that the only “we” in our pregnancy was the moment we decided to conceive. He chuckled, likely thinking I was joking. But as the months rolled on, he kept using “we”—again and again! Depending on how my hormones were acting or how swollen my feet felt at the time, my reactions ranged from sarcastic remarks to throwing objects, or even full-blown tears.
Here are just a few reasons why the phrase “we are pregnant” simply doesn’t apply:
- It wasn’t “we” who had to abstain from alcohol. I had a designated driver for ten months.
- “We” didn’t tear up over the last drumstick in the freezer—that was all me.
- Six months in, “we” didn’t split the crotch of my favorite pajamas—that was definitely me.
- “We” didn’t toss and turn all night or make 15 bathroom trips before sunrise—that was me!
- “We” didn’t endure those uncomfortable internal exams where the doctor misleadingly warned, “you’re going to feel a little pressure.” (Seriously, there’s a vast difference between “a little pressure” and feeling like someone’s hand is inside you!)
- “We” didn’t sweat profusely from going from hot to cold in a blink.
- “We” didn’t dread social gatherings due to unpredictable gas (well, not because of pregnancy anyway…)
- “We” didn’t experience a birth that resembled a horror movie—I went through it, while he just observed!
- “We” didn’t push a watermelon-sized object out of something that was once grape-sized.
- And after everything, “we” didn’t watch my once-appealing breasts shrink to something resembling little raisins—that was all me.
Now, we do have a beautiful baby together, but let’s be clear: I was pregnant!
If you’re interested in exploring more about the realities of pregnancy, check out this insightful blog post. Also, for those considering at-home insemination, Make A Mom offers a reputable selection of insemination syringe kits. And for further reading on family-building options, Resolve is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Pregnancy is often described using “we,” but many experiences are solely the mother’s. From physical changes to emotional rollercoasters, the journey is uniquely hers. While partners can support and share in the joy, the realities of pregnancy fall largely on the woman.
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